Solace
by Saranwyn
Summary: Yami No Matsuei, based after the anime series ends. As Tsuzuki and Hisoka struggle to recover, the other members of the sector try to find where they fit. New (or old?) love is (re?)born, but Love may not always conquer all, especially when a certain silver-haired doctor returns to cause chaos. Secrets are created and hearts hang in the balance. Indefinite Hiatus!
1. Recovery

Hey, this is based on the anime and what I can find on Google search, so...forgive any inaccuracies. Note: this is yaoi! Don't like, don't read! Also, this is my first time experimenting with these specific pairings, so this story is prone to a little OOCness as I navigate the pairings and how they'd work and/or being stopped in the middle if I don't like it. Sorry! Read and review, please! :)

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Yutaka Watari heard Hisoka screaming and jumped up to go to him. By the time he got to the infirmary, however, Tsuzuki was already there, comforting the boy. The blonde was clearly shaken, pale and trembling, and Tsuzuki was doing his best to comfort him. This was a fairly common occurrence, now that Tsuzuki was back on his feet after the event in Kyoto. Back when he was still bedridden, it had been left to Watari to comfort the boy, who would awake from his nightmares, sobbing and terrified, the usually-invisible tattoos on his torso glowing a vibrant red. Of course, after Watari had seen them once, Hisoka had made a habit of always wearing a shirt that closed all the way up to the neck and covered his arms, so no one else would see them. The scientist now silently turned and walked away. He had yet to tell anyone about the tattoos, signifying Muraki had not died in the fire like everyone assumed he had.

Sighing, he sat down at his desk to continue tinkering with his latest attempt to create a gender-changing potion. Of course, he had yet to succeed – though he'd created many interesting potions along the way – but he continued trying, anyways. There was a tap on his door.

"Come in," he called distractedly. Tatsumi poked his head in. Seeing that it was safe, he stepped in, shutting the door behind him. With a weary sigh, he leaned against the door.

"How are they?" he asked softly. The engineer didn't even look up from his work. He knew what he'd find if he did though. Tatsumi's normally alert, dark blue eyes would be glazed and red with too many hours awake. There would be tired lines and bags under his eyes. Unable to keep up the effort of looking stern, he would just settle for a blank expression. His clothes, normally pristine and militarily neat - the head of the office had an absolutely Spartan disciplinary code – would be wrinkled from being worn for three days straight.

"Well, Tsuzuki is making a startling recovery, as usual, and Hisoka will be out of bed, soon, but the emotional damage…well, that could take a bit longer for the two of them," Watari replied. "Hisoka has nightmares almost every night, and Tsuzuki is…well, not…not himself."

"I know."

"And he's avoiding help more than usual. Both of them are." Tatsumi's hand came down on Watari's shoulder.

"You should get some rest. We have a room for that, you know."

"I'm fine. It's you who should be sleeping, sir." The scientist shinigami chuckled. "I do appreciate your concern, though."

"I just need you able to do work, when we need you."

"I know. I will be. Speaking of which…" he started, then hesitated. If he brought up that Muraki was still alive, now, Tatsumi would exhaust himself trying to find the insane doctor. No, it was best to wait a little longer. He shook his head. "Never mind."

"Are you sure?" Tatsumi's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"I'm sure. It was nothing important." He fiddled with a single curl of his long, caramel hair, trying to focus on his experiment, which was hard with the other man standing right behind him. Tatsumi released his shoulder.

"Alright then…I think I'm going to get some sleep."

"You do that." He listened as Tatsumi left. With a sigh, he stood up. He couldn't focus anyways. Grabbing his coat, he left the building and headed home to grab a shower and some clothes – maybe he could even find something to fit Tatsumi. No doubt the other shinigami would appreciate a fresh set of clothes. He let himself into his apartment and went to the bathroom. He turned on the water to let it heat up and began to strip. The ribbon in his hair was the last thing to go before he stepped into the shower. The hot stream of water pounded soothingly on his shoulders and back. With a groan of relief, he shut his eyes and let his head lean back to accept the water onto his face. His hands deftly reached for the soap, squeezing a large dose of the pinkish, watermelon scented liquid into his palm. Rubbing his hands together to work up a lather, he began to rub it over his skin. Next, he squeezed some shampoo into his hands and began to rub it into his scalp. Long, slender fingers combed through his hair as he rinsed it. Exhaling deeply, he lingered a few moments longer before turning off the water and getting out. Snatching a towel from the closet, he began to dry off.

Feeling much relieved, he wrapped the towel around his waist and went to his room to get dressed. He had just gotten his pants on when the door swung open, and he spun to find himself staring into the cold, unsympathetic, silver eyes of a certain platinum-haired doctor. Shaking, he took a step back.

"M-Muraki…" he whispered, eyes wide.

"Don't look so shocked, Watari-san. After all, Tsuzuki-san and the boy survived, did they not? Is it so surprising that I would as well?"

"No."

"Who all knows I am alive?"

"Why would I tell you?" The doctor's hand snapped out and grabbed a fistful of his hair, yanking on it hard.

"Because if you don't, you might not live much longer," he snarled.

"Just Hisoka," Watari admitted, tears of pain welling up in his eyes. Muraki smiled.

"Let's keep it that way, Watari-san."

"What do you want?"

"Peace and quiet."

"So you can plan your next crime?" The comment was punished with another tug on his hair. "Ah! S-stop!"

"Watari-san…have I made you angry?"

"You hurt Hisoka and Tsuzuki!" Watari replied furiously.

"Oh, I don't think of it that way."

"Because of you-!"

"No, no. Not because of me. Oh, Watari-san…I was there for Tsuzuki-san when no one else was, remember. It was I who embraced him, I who stayed with him when he was going to take his own life. What's more, the boy and Tatsumi-san both went to him as well. If anyone has failed them, Watari-san…it is **you**."

"What are you talking about?!"

"Oh, they suffer, and what do you do? You turn a blind eye and bury yourself in your **lab**. Oh yes, I have seen you on those long, lonely nights, watching from the door as Tsuzuki-san and my little doll try to console themselves in their own agony."

"Y-you're lying! It's not like that!" Muraki pulled his hair tighter.

"Am I? Even Tatsumi-san visits them, but you…you only visit while they sleep. You're too ashamed to even look at them. And it was Tatsumi-san that plunged into the flames to save them. You, Watari-san, stood there and did nothing."

"Stop!" Again, his outburst was silenced with a sharp yank of his hair. Tears flowed down the scientist's cheeks both from pain and guilt. "N-no…I…it's not like that. I didn't…I didn't abandon them." The hand in his hair gentled, cool fingers massaging his scalp soothingly.

"Shhhh," Muraki murmured, suddenly soft and kind. He drew the man against his chest, combing his fingers through those damp locks. "Do we have an agreement, Watari-san?" he whispered. "Don't hurt them even further. Think how devastated Tsuzuki-san would be, and how angry Tatsumi-san…he would destroy himself searching for me, and he's already **so** tired…" Watari nodded numbly. "Good." The doctor released him and disappeared in an instant. Shuddering, the blond shinigami sank to the ground, holding his head in his hands. _Why am I so helpless?_ He thought miserably. _Why couldn't I do anything? He was right here…_

Tatsumi awoke to find a set of clothes folded neatly next to him. He sat up, rubbing his eyes and picked up the piece of paper on top of them, reading it.

"Hey, I thought you'd like some new clothes. I think these should fit you, I hope, and I tried to get as close to your usual style as possible. – Watari." He smiled a little and took them to the bathroom to shower and change. He took a quick, cold shower – mostly just rinsing off – and then got dressed into the clothes Watari had left for him. They weren't a perfect fit, but it was close enough, and it was better than his other clothes. He then went down to the lap to thank the shinigami. When he knocked on the door, however, he received no immediate reply, so he let himself in. The scientist was fast asleep on his desk. 001, 002, and 003 were all snoozing in the corner, huddled together. Tatsumi walked over to him to take his glasses off, which is when he noticed tearstains on the other man's cheeks. Frowning, he wiped them away. It just seemed wrong, like seeing Tsuzuki turn down sweets. Watari stirred and Tatsumi yanked his hand away as if he'd just been caught stealing.

"T-Tatsumi-san?" Watari mumbled, sitting up, rubbing his eyes. "My glasses…"

"You were sleeping, so I took them off for you," Tatsumi explained. "Thank you…for the clothes."

"Oh, it's nothing. Did I get your size right?"

"They're a tad small, but it's not a problem. I really appreciate it. Are you alright?"

"What? I don't know…what you mean."

"You look…shaken. Is everything okay? Did something happen?"

"Hm? N-no…just a nightmare." Watari forced a smile, and though Tatsumi knew it was fake, he decided not to push it. After all, if the scientist wanted to say something, he would. If there was one person in the office who didn't mind being open, it was Watari, right?

"Right, well, why don't you get some sleep on a real bed – er – couch?"

"I will, thanks. Oh, there's coffee and lunch in the kitchen."

"Thank you." Watari stood, stretching, and left. Tatsumi followed him out. "I'm going to go check on them."

"S-sure thing." The secretary frowned slightly at the hesitation in Watari's voice, but by the time he thought to actually say anything, the other man was gone. He stared after him. _Is he hiding something?_ He wondered. _I'll talk to him about it later._ With a sigh, he went to check in on his previous partner and the newest member of the team. He stopped in the doorway. Hisoka was sitting with Tsuzuki, cradling his head against his chest and petting his hair gently. Tatsumi took a hesitant step back. _I don't think I'm wanted, right now,_ he thought, trying to banish the tightness in his chest. _I guess Hisoka really has done it. I had my doubts, but it seems Tsuzuki finally has himself a permanent partner._ Feeling a bit like an intruder, Tatsumi backed away, unnoticed. _Why does it hurt so badly to admit that? I was the one who quit our partnership. I should be glad he's found someone that can handle him._ He made his way to the kitchen, forcing those thoughts from his head. _I __**am**__ glad for him, for both of them._

Watari had left a bowl of ramen for him on the counter. He smiled. If he had to be stuck in the office with someone, at least it was someone as considerate and kind as Watari. He never had to worry about the other shinigami being intrusive or rude or slacking off or anything. In fact, despite the scientists love of pranks, Tatsumi would venture to say he was the person he got along most with in the office.

With Tsuzuki, he was strained at best. Hisoka and him, while having an understanding, were a little at odds, and he always felt strangely defensive around the boy. He hardly interacted at all with the Gushoshin, so they didn't really count. He had no love for Wakaba, who he saw as entirely too bright and a little abrasive. As for Terazuma, he found his rivalry with Tsuzuki bothersome, not to mention his lack of control of both his Shikigami and his ego. And any other relationships he had around the office were strictly business. With Watari, though, he had a sort of understanding. The scientist knew better than to involve Tatsumi in whatever experiment, prank, or any other nonsense he was planning. On top of that, despite his brazen requests for more money, he always took Tatsumi at his first answer, never pushing further, and he always seemed to always have a good use for the money he was asking for. Then there was his remarkable sensitivity. Watari always knew when to shut up and let a matter drop and when to offer some kinds words or when to just leave a cup of coffee or hot tea on his desk. None of his other coworkers possessed that same, acute prudence and discretion. He smiled a little and began to eat.


	2. Lonely Hearts: Part 1

"Hisoka," Watari called the boy. He'd just gotten out of bed – finally – a few days ago. He could no longer put off this conversation. "Will you come down to the lab with me, please?" The boy lifted a skeptical brow but went along with it anyways, promising Tsuzuki he'd be back to help with paperwork in a minute. The teen frowned.

"If this is about some new potion-!"

"It's not," Watari cut him off, surprising him. He shut the door behind the boy as they entered the lab. For once, he had put 001, 002, and 003 all out of the lab, giving them complete privacy. The empath frowned slightly.

"What's wrong, Watari-san?"

"Muraki."

"What?"

"I know you know he's back, and I know that, too."

"Right, I was just going to tell Tatsumi-"

"No!...No, you can't tell anyone."

"What? What are you talking about? This is Muraki! He survived. We have to hunt him down and kill him before he kills someone."

"Look. I can't explain it to you, really, but we aren't going to do that. We're going to shut up and pretend we think he's dead. If he makes a move, later-!"

"Then it will be too late, and another innocent person will die at his hands!"

"Hisoka, please trust me!"

"Why are you saying this?"

"Please…look, Tatsumi…and you and Tsuzuki and…everyone…we all have enough on our plates right now. If Muraki is behaving himself, we should just be thankful for that and let it go." He was stunned as the back of Hisoka's hand came sharply across his cheek.

"No way! Do you remember what he's done! Because of him-!"

"Hisoka-!" His protest was cut off with a closed fist to his jaw. He stumbled back, clutching his jaw. "Hisoka…"

"How could you say that?! How can you defend him?! After what he's done to Tsuzuki, and me, and…and to all of us?!"

"If you tell anyone he'll kill me!" Silence.

"What?"

"He'll kill me. Please. He told me. He said he just wants peace and quiet and that he has no more quarrel with us. Think about it – he only wanted Tsuzuki because of his body, seeking to revive his brother so he could kill him, himself. His brother's body was destroyed in the fire."

"If he went to such extents to make sure we leave him alone, that probably means he's planning something." Watari winced and looked away. Since that one day, Muraki had visited him three other times, one time even at work.

"Please, Hisoka. I know I'm already dead, but I don't…I don't want to leave this existence, yet." Hisoka sighed.

"Fine, but I'm looking into it myself, then. I'll keep the secret, but I won't sit here and do nothing. And you're a coward for wanting to!" With that, the boy turned and stalked furiously away. Watari winced. _I know…_he thought. _I know I'm a coward. _ Suddenly, a hand descended on his shoulder. The engineer jumped and spun to find himself facing the man he'd just been discussing. Muraki smiled with faux tenderness.

"There, was that so hard, Watari-san?" he purred. Watari cringed. "Don't look so upset – you're doing them a favor."

"I-I did what you wanted, now leave me alone."

"Oh, yes, I just came to thank you for your efforts, now that you've **finally **gotten around to having that little conversation." The shinigami looked away, biting his lip. "Ooh, he punched you hard, didn't he? What a rude little child."

"Don't talk about Hisoka like that!" Muraki lifted a brow, chuckling. "At least he's not a coward." Now Muraki's polite smile transformed into a smirk.

"Oh, Watari-san, you can't beat yourself up over something like that. Especially not when you've got someone else to do that for you." He chuckled, pushing lightly on the bruise on the scientist's cheek. "Thank you for your hard work, Watari-san." He leaned in and brushed his lips against the other man's. The caramel-haired man recoiled sharply, but before he could say anything, Muraki was gone. Rubbing his mouth furiously, Watari sat down to continue on his work…

_The flames seared bright red against the snow and the dark of the sky. Smoke and ash filled the air, clogging in his lungs. Hisoka had wasted no time diving in to find Tsuzuki, and Tatsumi had not been far behind, and here he was, too petrified to move. Even from his safe distance, the fire burned his cheeks. Overwhelmed with terror, he staggered a few steps back to collapse into the snow. He couldn't get close. All he could do was huddle in the bright light and pray they'd be okay. What felt like an eternity later, Tatsumi teleported them out of the flames. All three were suffering from burns; their clothes were singed, and they coughed out the smoke they'd inhaled. _

"Watari-san!" a stern voice brought him abruptly into wakefulness. The scientist turned to see Tatsumi standing there looking much less angry than his voice would've suggested. "Are you okay?"

"Wh-what?" The secretary jerked his chin uncomfortably at him and he reached up to feel tears on his cheeks. "O-oh. It was just a nightmare. I'm sorry if I worried you." He wiped his eyes impatiently.

"Right, well – what happened to you cheek?!"

"What? Oh, um…well…n-nothing really. I just…it was an accide-"

"Who punched you?"

"…What makes you think anyone has?"

"If it were really just an accident, you'd have laughed it off and told me with a smile. So, clearly, you're trying to lie to cover for someone. Who punched you?"

"…Hisoka." Tatsumi lifted a brow. He couldn't think of any reason why anyone would really want to **punch** Watari. It wasn't that he didn't annoy people – no everyone thought his pranks were as funny as he was – but for someone, especially someone with as much control as Hisoka did, to actually punch him.

"What did you do?"

"We had a disagreement. It's not important."

"He punched you. I'd say it's important." Watari flushed slightly under the man's hard stare, trying to think of an excuse.

"He wanted to go back into the field ASAP, and I thought he should…wait a little longer."

"So he punched you?"

"I threatened to make it an official medical mandate, as opposed to just a suggestion. He think I'm just trying to hold him back from…I don't know, his…duty or whatever."

"Right, well…speaking of which, we've got a case." Watari stood.

"Oh, right. A case. What is it?"

"There have been a string of murders in the Shinjuku district of Tokyo. All the victims have been left with a single rose. They're calling him the Romeo Murderer." A shiver ran down Watari's spine. That sounded exactly like something Muraki would do.

"O-of course. You know, maybe…um…maybe me and Hisoka could run this one." _If it is Muraki, it's best if Hisoka and I handle it, so no one else has to find out he's alive._

"What?"

"You're busy and I don't think Tsuzuki's ready, but Hisoka-"

"Don't be stupid. You just told me you didn't think he was ready."

"I know, but-!"

"Come on. We're going." Watari sighed and followed, his head hung. _Please don't let it be Muraki,_ he prayed as Hisoka's words echoed in his head. _"Then it will be too late, and another innocent person will die at his hands!"_ _ What if he was right? Wouldn't it have been better to tell, then? Even if he kills me?_

"How many have died?"

"Three, so far." _Three, and if it was Muraki, it was my fault._ The two of them teleported down to earth, suddenly finding themselves on a busy street corner. "The murders have been taking place in the Red Light District, so we'll start our investigations there…" Watari froze, his eyes wide. "Are you okay? You look like you're about to be sick."

"I-isn't there a second lead I can follow up on?" Watari asked.

"No. Is there a problem?"

"N-no…" The scientist's voice was resigned, his head hung. Tatsumi frowned but let the matter drop, and they headed towards the Red Light District. It was just barely after sunset, so the clubs were only starting to fill up. Watari could feel his skin crawl as he trailed Tatsumi down the street like a puppy that had just been told his master hated him. The guilt and fear swallowed him up. He opened his mouth, making up his mind to tell Tatsumi about Muraki, but then he just shut his mouth again. It was a bad idea to distract his partner in the middle of an investigation, and if one thing could distract Tatsumi, it would be Muraki. Tatsumi pulled him into a club.

"All the victims worked here," he informed the scientist. "So this is really our only lead. I don't think they were in any other way connected – not that I could tell, anyways."

"And the victims were men or women, again?"

"Women. Yumi, Keiko, and Tsubaki." Watari nodded, eyes scanning the group. "We should split up and start asking around." Tatsumi patted his arm and walked off while his partner headed over to the bar. He sat down and lifted his a hand to get the bartender's attention.

"What can I get for you?" he asked.

"Sake, please."

"You new here?" He asked as he poured the drink.

"Yeah. First time."

"First drink's on the house. Especially for such a beautiful young man." The bartender winked. Watari looked away.

"Is it your job to say those kinds of things?" he asked softly. The other man blinked, surprised.

"I wasn't lying, if that's what you meant."

"That wasn't what I meant. I just wanted to know, if it was your job…to say those kinds of things to your customers." His voice never lifted above an almost-whisper. He kept his eyes fixed on his hands, which rested on the bar.

"Well, it's expected I'll make good conversation – I didn't see the harm in some light flirting. Did I offend you?"

"No. I just curious. I've never been to a place like this, before." The lie lodged in his throat a moment before stumbling out past his lips.

"Are you okay? You look a little pale."

"I heard this rumor…about these three women that died…"

"Ah, don't tell me you're a reporter."

"No. No, I knew one of them. She was a high school friend of mine."

"Keiko."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Do you know anything…about what happened? The police won't tell me anything."

"Well, they're still conducting investigations, but I guess it can't hurt to tell them what I told you. She worked here as a waitress. That day, she told me she wouldn't be able to stay late to help clean up because she had a date with this guy she met a few days ago. She left in high spirits…and never came back." Watari nodded slowly. "Is there…anything else?"

"You know what, it slipped my mind, before, but a lot of people would buy Keiko drinks, you know. But when this one guy did, she smiled at him and lifted her cup to him – she doesn't normally do that. Maybe that was her date?"

"Did you notice him…around any of the others that died?"

"You know what? Maybe…it's hard to remember all the faces, you know? This place is pretty crowded. Do you think **he** might be the murderer?"

"I don't know, I just…I just want to figure out so her soul can be at peace. You should take that information to the police."

"Yeah, I will."

"If you see the man…could you point him out to me. Whether he's the murderer or not, he was connected to Keiko, so I'd like to speak to him."

"Of course, but he could've just been someone she thought was cute. I just remembered thinking she must've liked him more than the others."

"I know, but I feel obligated to look into it."

"How did you say you knew her?"

"We were good friends in high school. I know it seems silly to be so attached, but she was very special to me."

"I can see that."

"And now that she's dead…" Watari shook his head. "I just feel like it's my duty to find out what happened to her." The night slowly progressed, and the club filled up. Watari, all the while, kept his eyes firmly on his drink, which he took his time finishing, only talking to people that approached him. About four hours in, a young woman came to sit next to him. She smiled coyly.

"You look down – I was hoping maybe to cheer you up," she commented. He glanced over at her. "Someone as good-looking as you shouldn't look so lonely."

"Appearance has little to do with what should and shouldn't be," he replied.

"What's got you feeling so down?"

"You read about those murders?"

"Yeah, awful, isn't it?" He could already tell she was the kind of woman to gossip about misfortune. Those kind of people disgusted him. They took tragedy for comedy and perverted the seriousness of the situation. He nodded.

"It doesn't seem to have stopped many people from coming." Indeed, the club was teeming with young people, dancing, talking, sipping a drink. He shook his head. "How can people come here at a time like this?" he mused.

"Well, you're here, aren't you?" He could tell he was losing her interest. She hadn't come looking for a real conversation – she'd coming looking for a good mark to get into bed.

"Only to investigate."

"Ooh, are you an undercover cop?"

"…Private investigator," he replied. Her interest is piqued again, and she scoots closer.

"So, who hired you?" she asks in a confidential whisper.

"That is confidential," he answered as politely as he could. She smiled and batted her eyelashes at him. He shook his head, forcing a smile.

Tatsumi watched his partner from afar. For a while, now, he'd suspected something was wrong with Watari, but now he was sure of it. Normally, the man was outgoing and eager to talk to anyone who would listen, even if it **did** happen to be some slutty snip of a girl at a bar. Right now, however, he looked like he wanted nothing more than to run away. Deciding to save his partner, Tatsumi stepped in. It was unlikely they'd learn anything new, tonight, anyways.

"Oy, it's time to go," he called. Watari stood, leaving his half-finished drink on the bar. Excusing himself politely, he walked off. The dark-haired man couldn't help but notice that Watari seemed in a rush to get out of there. "You alright?" he asked as they made their way to their hotel.

"I'm fine. And you? You hate field work. You could've easily sent Terazuma and Wakaba." Tatsumi looks away. That was true, of course. He had wanted to get away from the office. Away from his own guilt and pain. Watari smiled gently at him, slipping back into his usual self. "Maybe it will be good for both of us…taking this job." Tatsumi nodded as they went up to their room. Watari's arm around his shoulders was warm and comforting, shielding him from everything else on his mind. "You know, what happened in Kyoto – no one wants to talk about it, I know, but…it affected all of us in it's own way. You've been so focused on helping Tsuzuki and Hisoka recover, I fear you're forgetting about yourself." Watari chuckled when he noticed, once again, penny-pinching Tatsumi had gotten a single room instead of a double. "You go ahead and rest first. I'll sit up and see what research I can get together."

"Thank you, Watari." The secretary removed his tie, kicked off his shoes, and fell into bed. This could be very good for both of them, indeed.


	3. Lonely Hearts: Part 2

"Hey, that's the guy," the bartender whispered, pointing. Watari turned and found himself staring at a young man, perhaps in his mid twenties. He wasn't particularly attractive, or anything, but he had a certain appeal to him. Something was off about him, though. Watari nodded and went to approach him.

"Excuse me, may I sit here?" The man looked up at him, astonished.

"Y-you want to sit…with me?" Watari smiled gently and sat down across the table from him. Tatsumi was investigating another dead body left by the Romeo Murderer. "I…I've never…been approached, before."

"Let me get you a drink."

"Nor have I ever been approached by a man. You see, I don't…I don't swing that way. So, I'm flattered, but…"

"Well, will you not humor me, as a friend, then?" The man tilted his head curiously.

"You're…lonely." Watari's smile faltered. "I can tell…when other people are lonely. I approach them and comfort them. But I don't know how to comfort a man." The shinigami looked away.

"Don't worry about it," he muttered. _There is definitely something off about this man. _"Did you hear about those deaths?" he asked, perhaps a little less tactful in his questioning than he usually was. The man blinked, surprised.

"Why are you asking about them?"

"I knew one of the girls, Keiko. You bought her a drink the night she died."

"Yes…I was her boyfriend. She was very sweet, very kind, but so sad. I just wanted to make her happy…how did it say she died?"

"Heart attack." The man shook his head. "What's your name?"

"Reiji Nakamura." Watari stayed and talked with him for a long, long while until Tatsumi came to pick up him. Then they, headed back to the hotel.

"Well?" the older Shinigami asked as they strolled down the street.

"Reiji Nakamura – something seemed off about him, and he's fixated on romance."

"So he could be our killer?"

"Yeah. Have you figured out how he's doing it?"

"That's the strange thing. These women…it's like their hearts just…stopped. I'm having the Gushoshin check for toxins in the blood, but nothing has come up, so far." Watari nodded.

"So, what seemed off about him?"

"I don' t know, he just gave me a…weird feeling. Have Gushoshin check on up on him – see if there's anything about him in our records." They got to their hotel room. As Tatsumi crossed the room to sit on the bed, he could feel Watari watching him. _I've done my best to act professional…has he seen through it?_ "What are you going to do…when you get back?"

"What?"

"Well, clearly you're avoiding Hisoka and Tsuzuki. What are you going to do…when the mission is over?" Tatsumi chuckled. _I should've known better than to try to keep a secret from Watari._ He forced a smile, but it faded under his partner's sympathetic gaze.

"I'll do what I always do." Watari sat down next to him, draping an arm around his shoulders. He had always admired Tatsumi and his self-control, but he felt bad for the man. He was so restrained, so cut off, people often forgot he had feelings. Sometimes, he thought that Tatsumi himself forgot he had feelings, or at least liked to pretend he didn't. "What about you? You've seemed…off, since then." Watari exhaled and opted to finally come clean.

"Do you think I…I abandoned them?" he asked. Tatsumi frowned.

"What? No! Watari…if anyone has been there for them, it's you."

"No. I've been avoiding them." Muraki's words rang clean in his head. He had failed them. It was his fault. He hadn't even tried. Tears rose to his eyes.

"They…don't want much company."

"But I didn't go in after them…in Kyoto."

"Good! You'd have gotten yourself killed!"

"But you all went in!"

"Watari…"

"I sat outside, Tatsumi. I sat outside because I was scared. The flames were so…so hot, and I…I couldn't get close. I s-sat there like a coward, and I didn't even **try**!"

"Watari, you did nothing wrong, especially considering how you died." Watari's breath caught in his throat. "I…I looked it up a while ago. There's no shame in being afraid of fire after something like that." The scientist looked away.

"B-but for my friends…I should have…"

"No, you've done your best. That's all that matters." A large, calloused hand turned his chin back towards concerned, dark sapphire eyes. "You have no reason to feel guilty."

"I…I hate that I'm a coward. E-even after the fact, I was too…too scared to face them, so I…I buried myself in my lab…and pretended the world didn't exist."

"Watari, that's not what you did. You gave them what they needed, and checked on them when you could without making them awkward or offended." Tatsumi wiped away his tears and embraced him gently. "Don't cry. You've done that enough, recently."

"W-what…?"

"You fall asleep at your desk often enough, and when I come to wake you up, I see tearstains…almost every time."

"S-sorry."

"Watari, you're so perceptive, you forget that other people…don't know how to approach you. That's why if you need something, you should always come straight to me. I am your partner, after all." Tatsumi smoothed his fingers through Watari's hair. "If there's anyone in the office that takes care of everyone else, it's you, so never feel like you don't do enough." Watari let his eyes flutter shut as he inhaled the dark, musky sent of his partner. Tatsumi always had a calming affect on him. At last, he sat back, smiling shakily.

"Thank you, Tatsumi. You know…they're going to be okay."

"Hm?"

"Tsuzuki and Hisoka…they'll be fine."

"…Yeah. Get some rest, I'll tell Gushoshin what to investigate." Watari nodded and slid under the blankets. A broad, warm hand rested on his shoulder. His eyes fell shut and within moments, he was asleep. Gushoshin appeared a little while later in the room.

"No toxins in the blood," he reported. "How is the investigation going?"

"I want you to check a name for me in our records. Reiji Nakamura. Can you do that for me?"

"Right away, sir." The little bird-like creature disappeared only to return about twenty minutes later. Tatsumi was still seated on the edge of the bed, waiting for him.

"Well?" he asked impatiently.

"Sir, he Reiji Nakamura was killed a week ago, but his soul never found its way to the afterlife." Tatsumi nodded.

"I'd begun to suspect as much. So we're dealing with a spirit, here. Any idea why he hasn't left earth, yet?"

"None, but Watari's been talking to him, so my guess is he might know."

"I'll let him sleep a little, before waking him. He hasn't been resting well.." Gushoshin settled down on the bed beside Tatsumi. "How are Tsuzuki and Hisoka?"

"Well, they hardly leave each other's sides, ever. Hisoka is surprisingly nice to Tsuzuki, and Tsuzuki is, well…more somber than usual. They spend a lot of time just sitting, watching the Sakura blossoms."

"I see."

"Hisoka is a little impatient to get out into the field, but he realizes that Tsuzuki needs a little more time, before he's ready." Tatsumi let out a heavy sigh and nodded.

"Thank you, Gushoshin. Go home. We can handle things from here." The little bird left, again. Tatsumi slumped. He hadn't missed the way Hisoka and Tsuzuki looked at each other, since the incident in Kyoto. He hadn't failed to notice the lingering touches or soft, whispered assurances. It hadn't escaped his attention that Tsuzuki no longer came to him for support, no longer looked at him the way he used to. It hadn't slipped by him that Tsuzuki reserved a special smile for Hisoka, and Hisoka only ever smiled at Tsuzuki. He pressed a hand against his chest, his eyes tearing up. Why did it hurt so much. He was the one who'd walked out in the first place. He was the one who'd ended their partnership and done his best to seal himself off even as he looked after the other Shinigami. So why, why was he so full of regret and pain now? Why did his chest ache so badly? He moved his hand to cover his mouth, stifling the soft gasp that issued from his lips. A tear rolled down his cheek, followed by several more. He got up to, but just as he was about to walk away, a thin, aristocratic hand grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down. He found himself staring into the concerned – albeit groggy – eyes of his partner.

"You're crying," Watari commented, his face growing sorrowful. Slim, slender fingers reached out to wipe the tears away. "You know, you're a hypocrite, telling me to always come to you and staying so withdrawn yourself. Did you think I didn't notice, as well, the changes in **your** behavior? Tatsumi-san…Seiichiro, you're suffering. Let me help you." The dark-haired shinigami blinked at the use of his first name. Losing his resolve, he slumped forward, allowing his partner to catch him against his chest. "You're so noble. You always want to be the one helping others, but sometimes…you need help, too."

"Watari…why…why do I feel like this?"

"Because, Tatsumi-san…no matter what happened between you and Tsuzuki, you still love him."

"Wh-why…why did things turn out like this? Is this my fault? If I hadn't pushed him away, if I'd opened my arms to him…"

"Tatsumi-san…I'm sorry." He couldn't tell the man not to blame himself for his loss of Tsuzuki. Nor could he be upset at Tsuzuki and Hisoka for finding happiness with each other. He clutched Tatsumi tighter. It just seemed that someone was going to have to suffer heartbreak, and the die were cast in favor of Hisoka, this time.

"I-I **want** to be happy for them…"

"You will be, in time. Eventually, your heart will mend and you will be able to feel happy for them. Who knows, one day, you might even fall in love, again."

"It doesn't feel that way. It feels like I'm…incomplete. It feels like there's this void in my heart that can't be filled." Suddenly, Watari's eyes widened. "It—what?"

"N-nothing. We'll talk about it once you're feeling better." Tatsumi used the hem of the blonde's coat to wipe his eyes.

"Tell me. You know I can't not think about it, now."

"I just…I know…what's wrong with our spirit – he was dead, right?"

"Yes. Reiji Nakamura is dead. I don't…I don't understand."

"He was heartbroken, when he died. And his soul clung to that. He feels incomplete, and he's trying to fill the void. He's trying to fall in love. Tatsumi-san…I don't think he's **trying** to kill anyone."

"What do you mean?"

"I think it might be an accident. I don't think he knows he's doing it. And if that's so, he's going to be searching for another girl, tonight." Watari jumped out of bed, and Tatsumi stood as well, his sorrows dropping into the background. He wiped his cheeks.

"When he realizes what we are, what we're supposed to do, he'll never come with us."

"Let me talk to him."

"Why you?"

"Because, Tatsumi, I can understand him. Have you ever seen someone I have been unable to console?" Watari offered him a confident smile. "Trust me, Tatsumi-san. I can convince him. And if I can't, you can force him." The older shinigami hesitated. Then, with a sigh, he nodded. "Fine. Let's go find your Romeo." Fifteen minutes later saw them heading back. However, they were only halfway there when they ran into the Reiji.

"W-Watari-san!" the spirit gasped. "I…I was looking for you." He glanced at Tatsumi. "Who is this man? Why did you leave with him?"

"He's my business partner. We had something to discuss." Reiji reached out and took Watari's hand. "I was actually just coming to find you. We need to talk."

"Not here…not with **him**." Tatsumi frowned. He didn't like the idea of the other man being alone with this murdering spirit, but Watari was already agreeing. He turned and smiled at Tatsumi.

"I'll be back in an hour." And with that, he allowed himself to be lead away. _An hour…you think I'll even wait that long? Don't be stupid. That guy is clearly smitten with you, and if he kills the ones he likes, it's definitely not safe for you two to be alone,_ Tatsumi thought darkly. Reiji took Watari to a hotel and shut the door behind them. "Reiji-" Watari began.

"Wait! Please let me speak, first!" The shinigami nodded. "I…I like you, Watari-san!"

"I thought you didn't swing that way."

"I don't! B-but you're an exception. Watari, I've always felt…out of place, talking to men. I've always felt intimidated. But you're so kind…so understanding. No one has ever gotten me the way you did. When I was talking to you, it was like I could bare my soul to you with no fear."

"Y-you misunderstand, Reiji. I…I don't swing that way, either."

"Give me a chance! Please! I beg you!" Tears welled up in the man's eyes. "I…I've lost everything. Please, give me a chance to find my happiness, again."

"You won't find your happiness this way, Reiji." Watari reached out, cupping his cheek gently. "You're only hurting yourself and those you care about. Those women…?"

"They left me! I had just found them and they left me!"

"They didn't leave you on purpose, Reiji."

"Please stay with me! I-I'm so alone. I feel so cold. Please, don't leave me alone, Watari-san. Y-you showed me a love that transcends everything else! Please, let me try to earn that love and return it to you tenfold. I will be yours alone, forever! I will do everything to make you happy, so please don't leave me!" Watari felt his heart go out to the poor man.

"You're not alive, Reiji. You have to come with Tatsumi and me."

"Yes…yes, I'll go anywhere to be with you!" Reiji leaned up onto his toes and crushed their mouths together. Watari gasped, shocked, and the man's tongue forced it's way into his mouth. His insides coiled with disgust. _No! I don't want this!_ He tried to tear away, but suddenly he couldn't move. Pain flared up in his chest, and he groaned in agony. His vision started to get hazy…


	4. Lonely Hearts: Part 3

Tatsumi kicked the door once…twice…the third time knocked it open. Reiji was sitting on the bed, where Watari lay with his head in the spirit's lap. He took in the scene at a glance and wasted no time. Shadows raced out along the floor, sliding up the bed to slice at Reiji.

"Leave Watari alone!" he snapped. "What did you do to him?"

"I love him! I want us to be together forever!" Tatsumi ran over to them. He grabbed Reiji and flung him across the room.

"Watari!" he cried, feeling for a pulse. It was there, faint and far too slow. He turned to Reiji. "You're killing him! You have to let go of him!"

"Let go? No! I am going to hold onto him forever! He understands! He feels the same! He loves me!" the spirit protested, standing and taking a step towards Tatsumi.

"He's Watari, he loves everyone!"

"I'm special!" Tatsumi snarled, thoroughly put off by this nonsense.

"Special or not. It's time for you to join your eternal rest, and you're not taking Watari with you, not while I draw breath!" Once again, shadows darted out from beneath his feet. This time, however, they simply dropped the spirit into a portal, sending him rushing back to the afterlife.

"Watari!" The terrified spirit screamed. "Save me! Save-!" the portal snapped shut behind Reiji, cutting off his pleas. Tatsumi now turned back to Watari.

"You idiot," he muttered. "I knew it was no good, you coming here alone with that guy. We should've done it my way from the start." He scooped his partner up and carried him back to their hotel room. "He's gone, so wake up already," Tatsumi grumbled, laying him down. As he drew away, Watari's hand moved to capture his own. The brunette swallowed hard. "W-Watari? Are you awake?" No response. He sat down. "Stop scaring me, like this. What would I have done if you'd died? Why'd you let that idiot get close to you?" He reached over to see how his pulse was doing, relieved when it was a little stronger. _Good, he's recovering._ The blond shinigami groaned softly, his eyes fluttering open.

"T-Tatsumi?" he whispered, a small smile touching his lips. He shivered. "Why is it so cold?" He rolled closer so he was pressed against his partner's leg, still holding tightly onto his hand.

"Your heart isn't beating very strongly, right now – that's all," Tatsumi murmured. "He…he almost made you his next victim."

"I remember…we went to his hotel room, a-and I tried to tell him…that he had to come, but he…he kept going on about being in love with me. We talked…for a bit, and just when he agreed…to come with us, he kissed me." Tatsumi looked away, inexplicably disturbed by the idea of that man kissing his partner. "There was this pain in my chest, and I couldn't move, and…and the next thing I remember, I'm waking up here. You…you came and got me."

"When you weren't back in twenty minutes, I went after you. If I'd waited any longer, it's likely you'd have been dead." Tears rose up in Watari's eyes and he turned to hide them, burying his face into Tatsumi's thigh.

"Th-thank you for saving me," he whispered. Tatsumi's free hand glided over Watari's hair comfortingly.

"Well, you're my partner – I couldn't let you die," he reasoned. He stayed silent for a while, waiting for the scientist to gather himself, again. "Are you okay?" Watari nodded.

"It's just…he…he wasn't a bad person. He was just…he was just lonely. Tatsumi, that could've happened to anyone. That could've been me or you or Tsuzuki…the kind of people that become Shinigami are the same kind of people that become these lost spirits. Don't you find that a little scary and…sad?"

"We're not the same type of people as them. We become Shinigami not only because of our suffering and unfinished business but also because of our strength. Watari…**you **are not like him. There's no similarity between you two. Nothing. He was selfish and weak. You're just the opposite."

"Thank you, Tatsumi. It means a lot, hearing that from you."

"Are you feeling any warmer?"

"Yeah." Watari sat up, rubbing his eyes. He looked up into Tatsumi's concerned face and immediately regretted it. Such a soft expression altered the secretary's face entirely. His already strikingly handsome features seemed to glow with a sort of warmth. The scientist's insides shivered and he looked away, a faint red touching his cheeks. "L-let's just get back to Meifu." The two of them got up, and the next thing Watari knew, Tatsumi had teleported them back up to Meifu. They appeared in Tatsumi's office. The scientist turned to leave.

"I'll go ahead and write up the report," Tatsumi informed him.

"Thank you. You know, if you need anything, just let me know. I'm…I'm here for you." The dark-haired shinigami looked away embarrassedly and nodded.

"I will." Watari's eyes flitted up and down Tatsumi's form, then he turned and walked off. He exhaled deeply as he went down to his lab. _I actually feel bad for Reiji,_ he thought sadly. _He didn't want to hurt anyone; he just wanted to feel loved. In the end, isn't that what we all want? We all want to be needed and cared for. He wasn't wrong or even selfish. He was just unlucky. I should've been able to convince him to come peacefully. _ He shook his head. There was nothing he could do about it, now. With that thought to console himself, he set to work trying to once again create a potion to switch genders.

Tatsumi finished up with the report and sat back, analyzing his work. Confident that it was flawless, including all the important details and nothing too extraneous – he liked his reports to be concise – he stapled it together and stood to submit it. He strode briskly down the hall. _Turn this in, go home, sleep._ He repeated the phrase in his head over and over like a mantra. He wanted nothing more than to just get out of the office without having to look Tsuzuki or Hisoka in the face. _This can't go on,_ he told himself as his hand reached for the filing room door. _That's right. I have to be able to interact normally with them. Be professional, Seiichiru. _He took a deep breath. _Fine, after this, I'll go talk to them. _ He opened the door and froze, his eyes wide with shock.

Tsuzuki was pushed back against one of the filing cabinets, his fingers curled tightly into Hisoka's wheat-blond hair as the younger kissed him passionately. Both were entirely oblivious to his presence as their tongues entwined enthusiastically. Tatsumi wanted to look away. Oh, he wanted more than anything to turn and flee, but he was completely transfixed. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the scene before him. He knew if he didn't move soon, they would realize his presence. It was only so long before Hisoka would realize his emotional aura behind them.

"Hisoka," Tsuzuki moaned softly into the other's mouth. "Tell me, again…please." The younger smirked slightly.

"I don't want to spoil you…just once more."

"Please."

"I love you." The report fell from Tatsumi's hand, fluttering to the floor. In an instant, the two were ten feet apart, wiping their mouths, both stammering for an excuse.

"T-Tatsumi-san! You see…um!"

"What he means is…!" The secretary finally managed to pry his feet from the floor. He took one, hesitant step back. Then, before they could actually get a coherent sentence out, he turned and fled. He ran to the bathroom to a stall and slammed the door shut, locking it. His pulse was hammering in his veins, his breathing sharp and shallow. He wanted to cry, his chest ached so badly. _Cry…again? It's been happening so much recently,_ he criticized himself. _Stop being such a girl about this. It's not like you got dumped. You had nothing with Tsuzuki, so…_He heard voices outside the bathroom and did his best to pull his emotions inside him.

"S-should we go in and talk to him?" Hisoka was asking.

"Are you kidding? He'll fire us for PDA or something!"

"He looked…freaked out."

"He's Tatsumi-san. He's practically asexual. I wouldn't be surprised if he freaked out over a kiss. C-can you sense his emotions?"

"You know Tatsumi. He's got a brick wall around himself."

"What do we do, then?"

"He'll probably call us into his office tomorrow to lecture us about it. Just let him be. He probably went to go…I don't know, throw up or something."

"You're probably right."

"…I hope I am."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. You go on back to the office without me. I'll be right back." A moment later, the bathroom door opened and shut again. Tatsumi put on his best stern face, flushed the toilet, and came out, washing his hands, face, and rinsing his mouth. "Do two guys together really disgust you that much?" Hisoka asked softly.

"Pardon?"

"Because I thought…maybe…I thought you were in love with Tsuzuki."

"I don't approve of office relationships."

"That doesn't change your feelings." The secretary refused to look at the teen, choosing instead, to studiously stare at his hands. "Look, you don't have to say anything, but…but if you were in love with him…I'm sorry. I mean, I never wanted to hurt you, it's just…Tsuzuki and I…"

"I don't want to hear about your relationship, Hisoka-san. It's none of my business, and I'm not much of a gossip. Just don't let it affect your work, and I can pretend I never saw what happened today."

"…Thank you, sir," a stunned Hisoka replied. "I went ahead and filed your report for you…you dropped it."

"I appreciate it." Tatsumi brushed past him, ignoring the ache in his chest. "I'm going home early, tonight." He went to his office and grabbed his coat. As he headed out, he passed by Watari. Their eyes met for a moment, then his gaze dropped, and he brushed past his partner. Watari frowned. _What's wrong with him? _Frowning he went to go ask around about Tatsumi.

"Hey! Hisoka!" he called. The boy froze mid-step. Then, he turned around.

"Watari. What can I do for you?" he asked guardedly. "I will not drink or eat anything you concocted in your lab."

"No, I wanted to ask about Tatsumi. Did something happen? He seemed a bit…off, right now?" Hisoka's eyes slid away from his, and he swallowed hard. "So something **did** happen." Silence. "Something with Tsuzuki?" The teen bit his lip. "What happened with Tsuzuki?"

"T-Tatsumi caught us…together."

"Together like what?" Silence. "Just tell me!"

"K-kissing." Watari took a startled step back, his lips forming a small "o" as he gasped softly. "Tatsumi said-!"

"Never mind what he said."

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like I did something wrong! Tsuzuki and I…"

"I know. I don't hate you for it. I understand."

"Do you?" Hisoka's voice sounded hopeful. Watari didn't have to be an empath to see how guilty Hisoka was feeling. The scientist laid his hand on the boy's shoulder.

"Yes. I understand perfectly. You love Tsuzuki, and he loves you. You two went through something together that no one else can fully understand. Whatever happened between you two in Kyoto brought you very close together, and the way you find comfort is in each other's arms. I understand that, and I don't blame you for it. I just…I need to go…" He turned and ran off.

Tatsumi was sitting on his couch, reading, trying his best to distract himself from the images that kept rising up in his head. _Tsuzuki clung to Hisoka, panting heavily into his mouth. _ He shook his head. _No! I am __**not**__ going to think about the way his fingers curled into that blond hair, and the way his mouth fought desperately to be closer to his. The way he moaned like he was in utter bliss—_Tatsumi kicked the thought out of his head and tried to focus once again on the words on the page. A knock on the door startled him. He sat there for a long moment, wondering if the person would go away if he ignored them long enough. Another knock. He stood up, and crossed the room to the door. _Please, don't let it be Tsuzuki or Hisoka._ He opened the door to see a bunch of yellow flowers shoved in his face. He blinked at the bright color, stumbling back a step.

"Too bright?" Watari's voice floated out from behind the bouquet. They lowered. "Can I come in?" Tatsumi took a step back, allowing his friend into his house. "Mind if I find a vase for these?"

"N-not at all."

"It took me ten tries to get them drawn right."

"…You could've just bought some."

"If I'd done that, you'd have complained about me spending money on them." He was forced to agree, forcing a wry smile. "You don't have to do that."

"Do what?"

"Force a smile for me." Watari was already headed to the kitchen to find a vase. Instead, he found a pitcher and used it, instead. Tatsumi stood there in the entryway, staring at him. Watari turned around, his face sympathetic. "Come here." Tatsumi obeyed with a suspicious frown. The scientist reached out and grabbed his wrist, pulling him into an embrace. A soft gasp issued from Tatsumi's lips, but his partner continued to hold him firmly yet gently.

"W-what are you doing?" the secretary asked.

"I believe this is called a hug," Watari replied with a sarcastic chuckle.

"I know that! I mean…wh-why?" Tatsumi gently pushed away, staring seriously at his friend's face. The blonde, however, just gave him a small smile and looked down to see the book.

"What are you reading?" The older shinigami held up the book to read the title.

"A Collected History of the Evolution of Japanese Law." Now, the engineer nodded, pretending to look interested.

"Sounds fascinating."

"I think it was a gift…I think there was some humor about it…I don't remember." A shiver ran down his spine as a smooth, gentle hand came to touch his cheek. "W-Watari?"

"Seiichiru," his partner murmured. "Are you okay? Hisoka told me…about earlier." Tatsumi winced. "You told me you'd come to me. Let me help you."

"I couldn't…I couldn't look away. I thought my heart was being ripped right out of my chest. It doesn't make any sense. I was the one who pushed Tsuzuki away. I knew…I knew he was falling for Hisoka. I watched it happen."

"Still, seeing them like that…it's not something you should've had to see. Of course it would be hard for you." He relaxed into his friend's arms, burying his face in his shoulder.

"I'm so selfish."

"Shhhh…no you're not. A selfish man would've fired Hisoka for breaking office rules or forbade them from seeing each other."

"I wanted to."

"I know you did, but you didn't."

"I want him to be happy, so…so why can't I be okay with this?"

"Because, Tatsumi. You don't **just** want him to be happy. You want him to be the cause of his happiness. You want to be the one to make him smile. You want to be close to him. Just like anyone in love, you want to be the most important person to him. Seiichiru…"

"Yutaka. I'm sorry I'm such a mess, right now."

"It's fine. It's fine as long as you let me stay by your side and help you. Don't run home, again. Run to me, instead. Run into my arms and let me comfort you."

"H-how can you be so kind?"

"Because it's **you**, Seiichiru."

"Wh-wha-?" Tatsumi's question was cut off when a soft, warm mouth was pressed lightly against his own. His eyes flew wide and he gasped, reeling back. A look of hurt crossed over Yutaka's face. "What was that?"

"I-I'm sorry, I thought…I…I mean…"

"You kissed me."

"…I thought you wanted it."

"But…but I l-love Tsuzuki."

"I know, I thought…you could use me…as a replacement…until you heal." Watari looked away. _I'm so pathetic,_ he thought. _Doing something like this. I'm the lowest. All this, just to be close to him._

"You don't have to force yourself."

"I'm not." The younger shinigami took a deep breath. "Y-you're not the only one…who's been watching the one he loves fall in love with another man." Tatsumi's eyes widened.

"M-me?" The scientist nodded.

"I would never force anything on you, so I…I'd determined not to tell you, but I thought…if you needed someone…even if I'm just a replacement, I don't mind you using me as long as you want, even if you throw me away in the end." _This is despicable. _

"I-I would never just throw you away! You're my friend! My partner!"

"But I mean, I wouldn't expect you to…become my lover. I'm fine if you just want to use me to heal. I want…I want you to, if you need it." Tatsumi's throat tightened. _He would do that…for me? I don't…I don't understand how he can be fine with it._

"How long…how long have you felt like this?"

"Almost fifty years. I…I fell for you long before you even looked at me. Ever since I first saw you in the field, when you saved my life…on that first mission…I've always admired and looked up to you, but it was so obvious…how you felt for Tsuzuki, so I kept my distance. When we became partners, I didn't know how to feel. I was elated that I would be working with you and terrified that I wouldn't be able to restrain myself and nervous that you would hate me and…and selfishly relieved that you were exclusively mine. I understand that you don't feel the same way, and I would never presume to force my feelings on you, but if this is the way I can help…please use my body."

Tatsumi swallowed hard. _He's like me. He's watched me, all this time…comforted me, supported me despite his own feelings. And now…he's even willing to do this…_ As if in a trance, he reached out and turned Watari's face back to his. Slowly, hesitantly, he placed his lips over the other man's. His eyes fluttered shut. In his head, it was Tsuzuki he was kissing. His ex-partner, in his mind, had wrapped his arms around him and was now pulling him closer, though never trying to deepen the kiss. The caress felt amazing. Relief washed over him. The feeling of being loved, wanted, that closeness…he had needed it for so long. He was like a starving man, and the body in his arms was the only source of sustenance. His tongue slid out, pleading at the other's lips for entrance, which was immediately granted. They parted for air, but Tatsumi kept his eyes closed. In his mind, Tsuzuki's hand was on his cheek, and the man was smiling at him. He leaned in again, dropping a feather-light kiss on his lips.

"Ohhh, Asato," he breathed. Watari failed to hide the look of hurt that flashed across his face. _I asked for this,_ he reminded himself. _I knew it would be like this. If only I can make him happy, it's fine._ He eagerly leaned up for another kiss, his eyes open and staring at his partner's face. _I can do this...for him._


	5. I want

_Tsuzuki's mouth was soft and pliant beneath his. The purple-eyed shinigami clung desperately to him as he forced him back against the wall. Fingers fumbled with clothing. His hand caught in golden hair – golden?! What the-_ The loud blaring of an alarm woke Tatsumi with a start. He sat up, frowning, and glanced at the man next to him as he turned off the alarm. Watari was still asleep, his brows furrowed slightly. The older shinigami swallowed hard. This was wrong. It was revoltingly wrong. It had to end. Groaning, he swung his legs over the side of the bed and forced himself to stand, slipping away from his sleeping partner. Before he left the bedroom, he idly noted that his and Watari's clothes were still strewn across the room. He would clean that up after he showered. Still blinking away grogginess, he went to the bathroom and turned on the shower, twisting the knob until the water was icy cold. Wincing, he stepped under the stream of water.

A small gasp escaped his lips at the sting of the cold, even though he had known it was coming. Snatching the body wash, he scrubbed his body raw, as if he could cleanse the dirty feeling in his stomach. Last night had been bad. It had been all but rape. Of course, Watari never complained, but the more he was with Watari, the more desperate he became, and the rougher he was on the poor man. _You're going to hurt him, Tatsumi,_ he warned himself, and yet, he knew whenever their next "session" came around, it would be even worse than before. He could still practically hear Watari's muffled screams of half-ecstasy, half-agony – well, maybe a little more of the latter than the former. Even though the scientist always urged him to continue, always invited him back, seduced him into his bed, he knew the sex was no longer about pleasure or even comfort. It was just a way to drown the pain – to stop thinking.

He closed his eyes and before his lids rose, unbidden, an image of his partner, tears of pain streaming down his cheeks even as he clung to him and assured him he was fine. By the time they'd gotten that far, of course, Tatsumi would've been unable to stop himself even if Watari had told him to. The man's hair was mussed, blood ran down his thighs…Tatsumi's eyes snapped open and he clapped a hand over his mouth. Scrambling, he clambered out of the shower, bent over the toilet and threw up. He hadn't eaten anything last night, so there wasn't much to come out, but he continued to heave anyways.

"T-Tatsumi?" a voice startled him. He looked up to see a very worried Watari standing there, a sheet wrapped around his waist. "Are you okay? Are you sick?" Seeing him, hearing his voice, just made Tatsumi feel worse.

"Get out," he replied, aware that he was hurting Watari, but unable to bear the sight of him, anymore. Wounded, the scientist took a step back and then left, shutting the door. Spitting, the secretary flushed the toilet and returned to his shower. After quickly washing his hair, he got out, dried off, wrapped a towel around his waist, and brushed his teeth before leaving the bathroom. He went to Watari's room to change and heard the other man turn on the shower. _I'll apologize when he gets out,_ he decided. _And I'll end this._ He glanced at the mussed bed and noted red stains where Watari had been laying. Angrily, he reached over and tore the sheets off the bed. _I did that…to him. To Watari. I'm suppose to protect him. He's supposed to be able to rely on me, his partner. He…of all people, doesn't deserve this. He, of all people, should be treasured._ Watari opened the door and froze.

"S-sorry, I-I'll wait in the bathroom," he whispered, backing up.

"Wait! Watari-san!" Tatsumi missed the look of hurt cross over his partner's face.

"You don't have to force yourself…to look at me."

"No, that's not it! I…I want to apologize. For last night. And this morning."

"You have nothing to apologize for, Seiichiro." Tatsumi winced, something Watari noticed. "I mean, Tatsumi-san."

"That's not true. Look…this…this can't continue." He couldn't look at his partner, but he if he had been, he would've seen a look of panic cross the blonde's face.

"Wh-why not? Am I doing something wrong? Tell me and I'll fix it!"

"You're not doing anything wrong. It's just…**this**…I can't do it, anymore." Tatsumi was well aware that he was not communicating himself well, but every time he tried to explain his feelings to Watari, it was like he just…couldn't speak anymore. Usually, the scientist understood anyways, but right now, instead of being a relief for both of them, the discussion just seemed to be torturing them both. He hurried to the door, overcome with the need to just get **out**. "See you at work." Then, he was gone, the door slamming behind him. Watari stared after him. His fingers curled into a delicate fist and he headed to his room to get dressed, struggling to hold back tears. _He's…he's not coming back, _the scientist thought in half-shock. Then it hit him. _He'll never touch me again. Never look at me. Never…he won't…No! I just got him. I finally, after all these years…I can't just let him go, now. _Thus determined and more than a little frantic, he got dressed and left to head down to Earth before going to work.

Tatsumi had never been so distracted at work. That morning's conversation had supposed to have eased his feelings of guilt, but he just couldn't get this gnawing out o f his stomach. Watari had seemed so upset by the idea of their relationship - if you could call it that - ending. Couldn't he see how unhealthy is was, physically, mentally, **and** emotionally? It was abusive. He took a deep breath. _Maybe I should talk to him. Get him to understand…_ He was just about to when Wakaba came running in.

"Tatsumi-san!" she cried. "S-something's wrong with Watari!"

"What do you mean?" Tatsumi asked, jumping to his feet.

"He went to earth and came back with this bag of stuff, and now he won't open the door or talk to anyone. He looked like a wreck when I saw him come in. Just…I…I don't know. Something was wrong." By the time she finished, Tatsumi was already out the door and sprinting down to the Watari's lab. He knocked on the door.

"Watari!"

"N-not yet! I'm not…I'm not ready!"

"Ready for what?!"

"Don't come in!" A million possibilities ran through the secretary's head. One, he could be preparing some sort of weird, kinky sex thing to lure him back. Two, he could be working on some harmless project – right? Three, he could be self-mutilating or cutting or something. Tatsumi's brain ceased to function after that, and he kicked down the door. He saw the glint of scissors and the scientist held them aloft and he ran forward, snatching them away, hurling them across the room.

"What are you doing?!" he demanded. Bright, purple eyes met with his, and the shinigami's stomach flip-flopped. Watari's eyes were purple, and his hair was dyed brown.

"I was going to cut my hair. Th-that way…then maybe, if I did…if I looked like Tsuzuki, maybe then we could-!"

"What?! What the **hell** are you thinking?! I don't want you to **be** Tsuzuki!"

"But **I ** want to!" the scientist suddenly cried, tears spilling over his cheeks. "If I were Tsuzuki, you would look at me. If I were Tsuzuki, you could touch me and love me. If I were Tsuzuki…!" His words dissolved into sobs as he huddled with his arms around himself.

"W-Watari…don't…ah, don't say it like that," Tatsumi muttered. "What am I supposed to say when you're crying, like this?" He bit his lip, staring guiltily at his partner. "This is…this is all my fault," he muttered. "I never thought…I should've known it was a bad idea from the start. I should've known it would just end up hurting you. I hurt you if I continue, I hurt you if I end it. What am I supposed to do?"

"I-I told you I was fine, so-!"

"No, Watari. It wasn't fine. I was raping you. It wasn't about pleasure or comfort or healing, anymore – maybe it never was. It was just about drowning the pain. It was wrong."

"Don't say that."

"It was unfair to you and it was…it was bad for me. I never…I never wanted to hurt you, but I've made you bleed, and what's more…I'm…it's like I'm spitting on your own feelings. Imagining doing **that** with another man…while I'm in your arms."

"I don't care about that!"

"You should! It's…it's **wrong**, Watari!"

"Don't say that! I…I love you. This was my one chance…to be close to you."

"Take out those contacts, I can't…I can't look at you like this." Hesitantly, Watari obeyed. "Did you honestly think…if you looked like Tsuzuki…"

"Well, I had to try **something**. I just…I know I said…that I wouldn't mind, when you ended it. I know I said that, but…"

"I should never have done this to you. It's all my fault, putting you in this position. I hope you can forgive me." Tatsumi turned to walk away.

"No! I won't! I-I won't forgive you, if you walk away, Seiichiro!" Watari cried. The older shinigami hesitated.

"I'm sorry, Yutaka." The door shut behind him. Watari sat down shakily. _I've lost him. He'll never look at me again. It was so wrong…to push him into this. I should've known he would do this, in the end. I was so stupid, thinking I could actually get him to love me._ _He's probably disgusted at how pathetic I am._ _Who wouldn't be?_ He set to dying his hair back its original color.

Over the course of the day, everyone noticed the change in Watari. Though he did try to mask it when he was talking with others, it was impossible not to see that he was less chipper than usual. He didn't make jokes or laugh when someone else did, his smile seem strained, and he wouldn't meet Tsuzuki or Tatsumi's eyes. The latter, for his part, seemed just as focused on not looking at his partner, but Tsuzuki noticed it and pursued the subject.

"Hey Watari," he said, approaching the man after a meeting resolved in Terazuma and Wakaba getting sent on a mission.

"Hello, Tsuzuki," Watari muttered. His hair was still a little darker than its usual color, but no one made comment on that.

"Did I upset you somehow?" the chipper shinigami asked.

"No."

"Then why won't you look at me?"

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"All day, you've been avoiding looking at me."

"No I haven't."

"Then look at me, right now." Watari shot him a quick glance and then looked away. "Not like that. For real. Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing, I…nothing is wrong."

"Tsuzuki!" Hisoka snapped, walking over to the two of them. "Leave him alone." Watari stood and turned away to head back down to his lab. He was surprised when he heard someone following him. Hisoka. He sighed.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"This isn't like you. I thought maybe…I could help or something."

"There's nothing for you to do."

"Did you get in a fight with Tatsumi?"

"W-what?"

"Ah, so you **did**. Was it about Tsuzuki?"

"No."

"So it **was**."

"No, it wasn't!" _Not directly, anyways._

"Stop trying to hide your personal feelings from me, Watari. I'm an empath." They got to his lab and he sat down, doing his best to ignore the younger shinigami. "I can feel that you're in a lot of pain."

"Well, you can't do anything about it, okay?! The only one that can is-!" he shut his mouth abruptly. Hisoka sighed, sitting down.

"Watari, it's not like you to bottle this much pain in. Let me help you. Just talk it out, if you have to. Do whatever you need to."

"I think…I think I want to resign."

"What? Why?"

"Because, it's not like me to bottle this much pain in. And I…I can't take being Tatsumi's partner, anymore. I just…I can't do this, anymore." Hisoka's eyes narrowed, and he laid a hand on the scientist's arm. He pushed past the man's barriers with little effort and delved into the emotional abyss that was Watari. Normally, taking a peek at Watari's emotions was like taking a stroll through a glen on a summer afternoon. He had his shadows – all the shinigami did – but he was largely light and color. He was splashes of love and joy and **life**. Right now, Watari was dark and murky, writhing in anguish on the inside. It was all dark purples and reds, twisting and contorting. Heartbreak.

"You are in love with Tatsumi," Hisoka ventured a guess. The other man's silence was answer enough. "And he's still in love with Tsuzuki. But why now…why is it too much, now?" Watari bit his lip. It was tempting to just blurt everything out. Part of him wanted nothing more than to scream and cry and curse Tatsumi and Tsuzuki and himself and everyone for putting him through his. But instead, he just stayed silent. "Look, I can see you're in a lot of pain – I can **feel** it. Watari, I'm not going to lie and say it's not that bad. Clearly, this has been building for a while, and we all were just too dumb to see it. You had us all fooled as you sat by and watched the man you love slipping away from you. You didn't want to hurt anyone, so you allowed yourself to get hurt instead. That's the way you are, isn't it? You care so much about everyone else, that you just…you forget about yourself, until it gets like **this**. And then you completely fall apart."

"Thank you for your analysis," Watari snapped.

"You shouldn't do that."

"What would you have me do? Ruin everyone else's lives?"

"If there's someone you love, Watari, go to them and make them yours. You are brilliant, beautiful, strong, compassionate – there is not a person here that would not fall for you if you tried for them."

"Apparently Tatsumi wouldn't."

"There's no way that's true."

"You can't force your feelings on someone."

"No. No you can't. But it's our nature to return love where it is given. How do you think people fall in love. It's not destiny or fate or whatever. If you truly love someone and let them know, if you live it in everything you do, they **will** fall in love with you, too."

"That's not true."

"Well, maybe not for someone like me or Tatsumi, but for someone like you – yes it is."

"What makes me any different?"

"Because, Watari. You're irresistible. You're everything **everyone** wants in a partner. When you love someone, you unconditionally put them first. No one can not fall in love with that." Hisoka took his hand, looking him seriously in the face. "Try to win Tatsumi over."

"I-I tried."

"By dying your hair?" He glanced at the bottle of hair dye on the table. "No, you tried to become what he wants. Make him want you." Hisoka sighed. "The truth is, Watari. We need you. Tatsumi needs you. Even if those idiots out there don't see it, yet. Without you…we would all be a total mess."

"I…I don't know…"

"If you're dead set on running away, at least just take a vacation. Don't resign, not in a flash decision like this. Wait for things to calm down, then see how you feel, okay?"

"O-okay." The younger shinigami now wrapped his arms around the other.

"I'm sorry. This is one, big mess, and it's…well…if I hadn't…"

"Don't bother with that kind of thinking. It doesn't help." They drew apart. "Thank you, Hisoka." The boy exhaled deeply.

"Well, it's really actually selfish. How are you supposed to take care of me when I need it if you're resigned – or a wreck?" He patted the older man's arm. "Have a nice vacation, Watari." And with that, he walked off. One of these days he'd have to teach Tatsumi a lesson about seeing what was right in front of his face.

* * *

Yeah, I know the skip between this scene and the previous is like...a few months, so sorry if that was weird. I just didn't have a lot of material to fill that few month gap...


	6. Vacation

Tatsumi didn't see anything from Watari, after that. Hisoka turned in his request for a leave of absence, and the secretary agreed. His partner had left without saying goodbye or anything. Then again, Tatsumi was glad he didn't try to come see him. He didn't know how to talk to him, right then._ This is why I'm so firmly against office relationships,_ he thought bitterly, even as he knew there was so much more wrong with what had happened than breaking office rules. He exhaled deeply. Maybe a break is exactly what they needed – some separation. Maybe then they could gain some normalcy.

Watari went to the beach. He got a small, cheap hotel room – a habit he gained from going into the field with Tatsumi – and promised himself he'd spend most of his day out by the sea. Which was exactly what he did.

Two days in, however, he was on the beach, contemplating the rise and fall of the waves, when someone approached him from behind and sat down right next to him. He turned halfway to see them and immediately scrambled back, shocked.

"What are you doing here?!" he demanded. The platinum-haired doctor smiled. He was no longer wearing his usual trench coat but the rest of his outfit was intact.

"I told you, I'm laying low, relaxing – **not** murdering people. The question is what are **you** doing here, Watari-san?" he replied, smirking. "I came here to avoid the shinigami, and this isn't even in your district."

"I-I'm on vacation." Now Muraki lifted an intrigued brow. As far as he knew, the shinigami didn't take vacations. Watari looked away. "Why would I tell you anything, anyways?"

"Why not?"

"I hate you! You hurt my friends! You threatened to kill me!"

"Only because you and your coworkers were trying to kill me." He exhaled deeply. "Anyways, I don't really much care if you tell me, it just looks like you could get something off your chest." Watari scowled and stood up, promptly walking away. Muraki watched him go, a slight smile touching his lips. Fancy meeting Watari there, of all places. He loved surprises, like this. Maybe his time off would be more interesting than he'd previously assumed.

Watari trudged down the beach, trying to calm the roiling of his stomach. Part of him wanted to go to Tatsumi and tell him about Muraki, but he reminded himself not only of Muraki's threat but also of dread to see Tatsumi. No, he would keep quiet about this, for now. After all, the doctor wasn't doing anything bad, so why not just count his blessings and work on keeping as far away from the man as possible? He nodded. That's exactly what he'd do, and maybe this vacation would still be salvageable. He sat back down, satisfied that he was far enough away from Muraki, and he returned to staring at the sea. It had been a long, long time since he'd just done nothing. And he needed to think. About what Hisoka said. About what to do about Tatsumi. About how to handle the problem with Muraki. About how to overcome his own guilt and shame.

Much to his ire, that night, just as he was thinking about going and getting dinner, Muraki approached him again, this time with a picnic. He shot the basket a suspicious glance as the doctor sat down and began to unpack it. Watari shifted uncomfortably, frowning at the other man, but if Muraki noticed it, he gave no sign of it.

"What are you doing?" Watari demanded at last. Muraki chuckled.

"Sharing my picnic with a soul in pain," the doctor replied. "I'm a doctor. Just tell me where it hurts, and I'll fix it."

"I don't want your help!"

"I know, that doesn't mean I shouldn't off it, Watari-san."

"Why would you?" Muraki tilted his head curiously. Why indeed? He hadn't thought of that. It had been an impulse, and, having no reason **not** to, he'd gone along with it. Besides, now he was curious about what could've been bothering the scientist so badly he took a vacation.

"Why not? I just…felt like it."

"I don't believe that. You're so…calculated."

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do. The only side of me that you've ever met has been the one that was driven by a single goal. Just like you, Watari-san, I'm a lot more dynamic than I first appear." Muraki offered him an amiable smile. "So why don't you unburden your soul to me."

"Because you're a mass murderer and I hate you."

"Think of me as a stranger. It would be more accurate."

"I don't think I'd 'unburden' my soul to a stranger, either," Watari replied coldly, though he wasn't so sure about that.

"At least eat with me, then. And drink. I bought a bottle of Chateau Musar 1993. (A/N: Sorry, I know nothing about wine, so I just looked up an expensive wine and put it in there!) I need someone to share it with." Watari glanced at the bottle and sighed. A little wine couldn't hurt, right? And he felt like drinking. And Muraki had gotten some **really** good wine. The doctor now swirled the liquid in the bottle enticingly. "Just a little, at least?"

"One drink." The ex-serial killer grinned and took out two glasses, pouring a generous amount into each. He offered one to the shinigami and kept the other for himself.

"I brought some pastries – something to go with the wine." Watari looked clearly torn but then he nodded and took one. Muraki took a sip and allowed a pleased sigh to escape his lips. "There's nothing quite like sharing good wine on a clear night…Thank you for this." They lapsed into silence for a long, long while. Then, Watari shook his head, setting down his glass. He had to know.

"Why are you doing this, Muraki?"

"I already told you. I just felt like it. It was an impulse, and I have no reason **not** to follow it. I've got not grand scheme that needs working on, no crime to plan, no experiment to carry out. Besides, Watari-san, you…are a ray of sunshine…a breath of fresh air. It would take something…well, something big to force you to leave the office like that. You have never taken a vacation. Why now?" The shinigami picked up the wine glass, taking a sip. It sounded like the truth… "What harm could come from it."

"Y-you could use it against me…like you did about Kyoto…"

"Are you still sore over that. I had to say **something** to keep you from doing something regrettable. I didn't really mean it." Watari finished his drink and set the glass down, not noticing as Muraki filled it, again. His cheeks were slightly flushed. _He's a real lightweight if this is already starting to fluster him,_ the doctor noted. The scientist finished swallowing his drink, and wiped his mouth.

"But you were right!" Muraki now lifted an intrigued brow.

"How do you figure that. Clearly you are indispensable to your friends. Any blind fool could see that. You are consistently there for them when they really need it."

"Except in Kyoto. I didn't go in. I was too afraid. I couldn't get near to help them, because…" he trailed off, and Muraki offered him the now-full glass, again.

"Because?"

"Because I'm afraid of fire. I-it's how I died." Watari took a deep breath. "I've never…never told anyone, but…Sei—Tatsumi-san looked it up, so I guess he knows."

"How did you die?"

"My…my father wasn't mentally…stable. He had bout of depression followed by fits of rage. He hit us, my mother and I. That's why I decided to live at home through college – to protect my mother. One night…he's worse than usual, so I told my mother to call the police, but he pulled the phone line out." Watari paused to take a deep breath, down another gulp of the wine, and eat another pastry. "She ran to try to get help. My father locked the door. He kept hitting me and screaming at me. Then, he took off his belt. I thought he was going to hit me with it – it wouldn't have been the first time – but he didn't. He ti-tied me to the leg of the kitchen table. I fought, but…he was so strong, and I was so scared…" Watari hiccupped as he got started on his third glass of wine. "He grabbed a bottle of whatever booze he had and he dumped it all over me. Th-then he…he took his lighter…" The scientist shuddered. "I remember screaming…and choking on the smoke, but I was so…so helpless. I couldn't do anything. A-and he just stared at me…while I died. That's why…"

"That's why you were too afraid to go into the fire…in Kyoto." Watari nodded.

"It just…"

"Well, you couldn't have done much good going in, anyways. Ask me, Tatsumi was really the only one who'd have done any good going in. Hisoka ended up as just dead weight, and you would've been no better. Besides, you **did** take care of them, when they really needed it, after they got out."

"R-really?"

"Mhm. Really, you would've just been making things harder for Tatsumi-san."

"Don't talk about him." The shinigami's words were beginning to slur, now, so Muraki carefully put away the wine. He didn't want him to pass out, yet.

"Why not?"

"Because…th-that…hurts too much." Muraki moved closer. This was, of course, what he'd been searching for, the entire time.

"Why does it hurt? You can tell me."

"Because I love him!" the shinigami now burst out sobbing. "I love him so much! I've loved him for so long. A-and all he ca-cares about is **Tsuzuki**!" Muraki's brows shot up in surprise as the inebriated flung himself at him, hugging him tightly. "I-it's not fair. And now I've lost him forever! He'll never even **look** at me, again! He'll probably quit being my partner, because I ruined everything!" Slowly, the doctor returned the embrace. "I…I fi-finally got him to…even if he was using me as a replacement for Tsuzuki. It was…it was so nice…to be held by him. Even if it hurt, it was better…better than nothing. Even if it broke my heart…when he gasped out Tsuzuki's name…it was better than **this**! I'm so pathetic! I didn't want him to see how pitiful I am, but now he saw it, and he's probably disgusted. I was so desperate. And then he calls it off as if it's for **my** good!" The caramel-haired man hiccupped weakly. He was all but in Muraki's lap by this point, but the doctor just held him and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Well, you could always just win him over."

"H-how?"

"Seduce him, of course. Make him love you for you. That's what I would do."

"Says the serial killer! That's just great! I'm taking advice from the Shinigami's most wanted, now! How low have I fallen?!"

"You've hit rock bottom, I'm afraid." This earned him a shocked glare, but Muraki just continued. "You've had your heart broken and your self esteem completely obliterated. You've been crushed by despair and shame and fear and uncertainty. What little hope you'd managed to cling onto has been ripped away – for your own good, no less. And now you're here…in the arms of your sworn enemy, dead drunk, sobbing your troubles out to anyone who will listen. In my book, that qualifies as the bottom of the barrel." Watari pulled away, sniffling indignantly.

"Th-thanks for summing it all up for me!" he snapped sarcastically.

"Oh, don't get all cross at me. I was simply saying that times are rough for me. But the Watari **I** know always makes a comeback."

"I-I do?"

"Mhm. The Watari I know would smile brightly and find a way to solve his problems." Muraki found himself smiling gently as if this man were one of his patients. "The Watari I know would find some brilliant solution and never give up."

"R-really?"

"So, when you go back to work…you just worry about making Tatsumi yours. The Watari I know can do anything so long as he sets his mind to it."

"Y-you really think that…about me?" Muraki chuckled.

"Absolutely."

"B-but I'm your enemy."

"That doesn't mean I can't think good things about you. These things I said about you are undeniable, even if I hated you – which, I might mention, I don't."

"Y-you don't? But…but…"

"I always did what was necessary, but I don't have room in my heart to hate you. I've filled my capacity for hate. Besides, you're so sweet – who could hate you?"

"I-I'm sweet?"

"Indeed. You know…I should get you drunk more often, it's kind of cute."

"D-don't take advantage of me. It's not nice to do this kind of thing to a lady." Muraki packed up the basket and slid it onto his arm, then, he scooped up Watari, marveling at how light he was, and started to carry him away. "Wh-what are you doing?"

"Getting you to a hotel to sleep, so you don't catch a cold out here."

"I can…I can walk." Muraki had to stifle a laugh. _If he wants to win Tatsumi all he has to do is get drunk around him. He's adorable!_

"No you can't. Just go to sleep on my shoulder. I'll take care of you." _Yeah, and you'll need it, because you're going to have a killer hangover tomorrow._ He was pleased when the scientist obeyed, laying his head down on his shoulder and, to all appearances, falling asleep. "So sad that someone as sweet as you should suffer so much. Maybe I'll give you a hand…I've been bored, anyways."

Watari awoke with a pounding headache and no clue where he was. It wasn't his hotel room, that was for sure. He was on a large, comfortable bed with thick, warm blankets. He looked around. The room was themed dark red and black. It was elegant and ornate, clearly everything there was expensive. He turned his head further, ignoring the stabbing pain the action caused. A glass of water and some pills were on the nightstand. Underneath it was a note reading "For the headache." He took the pills and staggered to his feet. _What happened last night. Muraki came…oh, he brought wine…Wait...Did I really…no way would I be that stupid!_ He stumbled out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom, yanking open the door. Muraki stood there, drying off his hair with a towel with another wrapped around his waist.

"Good morning, Watari-san. How are you feeling?" the platinum-haired doctor asked amiably. Watari groaned and rubbed his head.

"Like Hell…what happened?"

"We drank, we talked, you passed out. I brought you back here so you could sleep."

"Where is 'here' by the way?"

"My house. I own a summer home here."

"I think I'm going to throw up…"

"Toilet's right there." Watari knelt before it. He felt the doctor's hand move to hold his hair back out of his face as he vomited into the toilet. Once he was done, he spit and flushed. "Go ahead and take a shower, I'll get you a change of clothes then you can head back to your hotel."

"Why are you being so nice…?"

"Why not? I've got no vendetta against you." Watari shook his head and pushed Muraki out of the bathroom so he could undress and shower. _I don't understand that man,_ he thought as memories of the previous night slowly came back to him. _Why would he help me? And what about what he said…about making Tatsumi-san mine…can I really? Both Hisoka and he think I can…and should. I just…I don't want to force anything on him. That's what got us in this mess in the first place._ He exhaled deeply. _Did he really mean everything he said? _He heard the door open.

"I'm leaving some clothes here," Muraki said before shutting the door, again. Watari shook his head. _I can't believe this is happening._ _Muraki of all people…_ He shut off the water and got out of the shower, shaking his head. He had to get out of that house…away from that man.

* * *

Sorry, this is a weird...abrupt ending, but...I didn't know how else to end this chapter...Maybe I'll fix it later. As usual, R&R please! :)


	7. Homecoming

The whole office could practically taste the tension in the air the day Watari was to return. Tatsumi was fidgeting constantly, unable to focus on anything. He had determined that he would find some way to make things up to his partner. He just didn't know how, yet. The truth was, this past week had been probably one of the most miserable weeks he'd ever experienced. He was agitated, guilt-ridden, frustrated, lonely, and depressed. He turned away anyone that tried to talk to him, preferring instead to mope on his own.

Suddenly, the door to his office flew open, and he found himself staring at the grinning face of Watari. The scientist sauntered in and sat down on his desk as if nothing had ever happened between them. Tatsumi swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Watari…" he mumbled.

"I got you a gift, Tatsumi," his partner announced. Tatsumi blinked. After a moment of silence, Watari continued. "Don't you want to know what it is?"

"Um…a tie?"

"No. That's just lame!"

"A tie clip?"

"No! Come on! One more guess."

"A watch?" The scientist rolled his eyes and laughed as if he'd just proposed the most ridiculous thing in the world. Tatsumi frowned. He honestly couldn't think of anything else his partner would've gotten him. The scientist took out a package and handed it to him. The secretary opened it to find a beautiful, old book. Tatsumi loved old books. In his home he had shelves of them, all neatly kept. He'd read most of them a few times, already, but more than just reading them, he loved the feel of them, the scent of them, the faded paper. This particular one was leather bound – black – with actual, handwritten text. "Watari…"

"There was this old book shop that carried an original copy of some of the work Anrakuan Sakuden. I noticed you had a lot of his work on your shelves at home…anyways, Seisuisho was his most famous work, right?"

"This is…thank you."

"I'm glad you like it." Watari grinned and slid off the desk. "Well, I've got to get back to work. See you later, Tatsumi!" Then, he sauntered away before Tatsumi could say anything he'd intended to. He looked back down at the book on his desk. He didn't think Watari would've noticed his love of old books – let alone one specific author – from the few times he'd been to his house. _I guess he pays more attention than it looks like._ Suddenly, his door swung open again. This time, it was Hisoka that came in, his face set.

"Hisoka. Is there something you need to say?" Tatsumi asked.

"Yes. Don't ruin things with Watari, again! I don't care about your personal life or whatever, but if you make him run away again-!"

"Hisoka," the secretary cut off the rant before it really got started. "I know. I messed up badly. But firstly, it's none of your business, and secondly I don't intend to hurt him, again."

"It **is** my business, because **I **have to try to block out your emotional train wreck all the time, otherwise, and that's not easy! Besides, if he leaves again, because of it-!"

"Look. I'm handling it, Hisoka. I appreciate your concern…I think, but I don't need you to get involved."

"F-fine, but you know, Watari is a really amazing man, and he's really sweet and kind, so don't you dare break-!"

"I know. I have no intention of hurting him – I already said this. Watari is precious to me, as a friend and partner. Now, did you only come here to yell at me?" Losing his momentum, Hisoka looked away, biting his lip awkwardly.

"Yes…"

"Okay, then please get back to work. We all have things to do."

"Have you talked to him, yet?"

"…Sort of. He came in, but…everything seems normal."

"Are you sure he's not just putting on a false smile?"

"As sure as I can ever be around him."

"Right well…hm…fix it." Then, the boy turned and stalked away. Tatsumi sighed. _Fix it?_ _I know, but…how? I guess I'll just have to go apologize…_he sighed and glanced at the door. _After work,_ he decided and went back to his paperwork. During his lunch break, he took a deep breath and steeled himself, heading down to Watari's lab. He almost turned back two or three times, but each time he reminded himself that this was absolutely necessary and kept going. Hesitantly, he knocked on the door.

"Come in!" his partner called. Tatsumi opened the door and came in. "Oh! Tatsumi! To what do I owe the pleasure?" the scientist asked, grinning.

"W-well, you see, I wanted to…um…apologize."

"Stop." He closed his mouth as Watari stood and walked over to him. His heart almost stopped when the man took his face between his hands. _Oh, God is he going to kiss me?_ He panicked. "Don't apologize. You were right to call it off like you did. I pushed you into doing that in the first place, and I never should have. It was selfish, and it was unfair to you and bad for me."

"Y-you really think that?" Tatsumi asked.

"Absolutely." For some reason, the secretary was actually a little disappointed.

"So…that's it?"

"That's it."

"We're…ahem…back to normal?"

"Absolutely."

"Thank you." Watari smiled warmly and embraced the other man, taking a moment to run his fingers through his hair. "W-Watari?"

"Now I'll just have to win your heart for real," the scientist whispered. Tatsumi froze. _What? W-what did he say?_ He swallowed hard and pulled back to see his partner staring earnestly at him. "I won't give up on you, Tatsumi. I will make you mine – that's a promise!"

"Excuse me …?"

"Just you wait and see." The blonde grinned and winked at him. "See you later, Seiichiro. I'm heading out for lunch." And with that, he sauntered off. Tatsumi gaped, staring after him. _Where the hell did that come from?_ He thought. _And what does he mean, he's going to win my heart?!_ Unbidden, an image of Watari dressed in just a lab coat and knee-high, stiletto boots, rose up in his mind. He shook his head. _What the…? Why would I even think of that? And he wouldn't do something like that to seduce me…would he?_ Assuring himself that nothing like that would ever happen, he left. It was only then that he realized his heart was pounding all too fast. The secretary took a moment to calm himself and then went back to his office.

Watari went down to a café on Earth to have lunch. He could almost still feel the heat of Tatsumi's body pressed against his, the soft flutter of his breath on the back of his neck. On his fingertips lingered the silky feel of his hair. But unlike before, these sensations did not evoke feelings of hopelessness, sorrow, and loneliness but rather giddy excitement. Over the course of his vacation, he and Muraki had talked a number of times, and he'd spent a long time mulling over what both he and Hisoka had said about Tatsumi. Eventually he'd decided that they were right. After all, it was worth a shot. Before, there had been the threat of separating Tsuzuki and Tatsumi, but Hisoka had already done that, so all that was stopping him was his own insecurity, right? He ordered a miso soup and leaned back, waiting for it to be brought.

"How did your first day back at the office go?" a voice chimed from behind him. He had gotten used to Muraki just popping up like that and just smiled a little. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he should not be making friends with Muraki, but he considered himself a victim of circumstance. The doctor had been there when he was heartbroken and lost, of course he was going to attach at least a little, right?

"It was okay."

"Did he like that book?"

"Yeah, he loved it. Thanks for showing me that book shop."

"Well, you said he liked old books. I just happened to know a place that sold them." Muraki sat down across from him and ordered himself a coffee when the waitress brought Watari's soup. "So he wasn't too awkward and you didn't lose your nerve?"

"No, I didn't chicken out, and no, I don't think we'll be too awkward. He tried to apologize, but I stopped him. And told him I was going to win him over." The scientist sipped his soup, exhaling contentedly.

"And, how did he react?"

"I think he was shocked. But I'm hopeful." Muraki nodded solemnly. "Thank you…for everything." The doctor chuckled.

"It's nothing. I'm a doctor. Helping people is what I do."

"…That's not the Muraki I always thought I knew."

"I know it's not."

"It's strange…after all this time of hating you…I still don't really know how to feel. I mean…you hurt my friends…a lot. You almost killed them. And yet…you've helped me so much…when I really needed it."

"Confusing, isn't it?"

"It's still hard to believe that you don't have some ulterior motive. I mean…I always feel like I'm getting played by you." Watari sighed, looking away. "And I feel like a traitor, you know…talking to you while they all think you're dead and…you know, if they knew you were alive, they would hunt you down and kill you."

"I know they would."

"So why did you risk it, with me. I mean, you didn't have to approach me on the beach. There was no saying I wouldn't freak out and tell someone."

"No, there's no saying, but you're trusting me, aren't you? Don't you deserve the same in turn?" The platinum-blonde flashed a smile at the other man. "I know it's strange, but I saw you, and I was curious and… well, I just didn't think anyone could hurt you so badly you'd run away, like that. You've always been so kind and understanding, it seems like even the most brazen, malicious person couldn't hurt you. Unlike Tsuzuki-san, you don't have a guilt complex, so you're not easy to break, like he is. Unlike Hisoka, you're incredibly open minded and compassionate – funny that he should be the empath, not you. Unlike Tatsumi, your unconditional care for people stretches over everyone, so you tend to be the forgive-and-forget kind. You've got almost no ego to speak of, so it's hard to offend you…It just got me wondering who could do something to you so bad that you couldn't even face them?"

"…Oh." Watari blushed a little. "You know, it's embarrassing when you say stuff like that."

"Like what?" Muraki feigned obliviousness.

"Saying all those things about me…" The doctor chuckled and accepted his coffee from the waitress, sipping it.

"Well it's just too cute when you blush, so I couldn't really pass up the opportunity, now could I? You really make it too easy." Watari shook his head. Maybe this was why he always felt like he was flirting with disaster when he talked to Muraki. He had this smug, I've-got-you-wrapped-around-my-little-finger attitude that sent chills down the scientist's back. Shrugging off the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, he quickly finished his soup and stood.

"That's the end of my lunch break, so…bye."

"See you later. Keep me updated on how things go with Tatsumi." Watari muttered an uncomfortable assurance and paid for the soup and coffee before walking off to find a quiet corner to disappear. _What are you doing, Watari?_ He chastised himself as he appeared back in his lab. _He's Muraki._ He hadn't worried about it too much over vacation. He'd been desperate, then, and he had told himself that he wasn't a Shinigami while he was on vacation, so it was fine as long as the doctor wasn't murdering anyone. But now that he was back at work, it was really awkward to be so friendly with the other man while knowing how much everyone else hated him. _One of these days they'll find out, and then what will you do?_ He thought. _They'll probably fire you or lock you in prison or something._ Shuddering, he pushed those thoughts from his mind and settled down to work on his new project.

* * *

Short chapter. SOrry for the wait. Read and review please! :)


	8. To Seduce a Secretary

Sorry for such a short update after SUCH a long time! :( Anyways, I'm expecting the next part soon, I hope. Thanks! R and R please!

* * *

"Tatsumi-san!" Watari chirped, flinging himself through the door to his partner's office. The secretary frowned as the other man sauntered up and sat down right on his desk. Recently, the scientist had been even more flamboyant than normal. In fact, if Tatsumi didn't know better – and he wasn't sure he didn't – he'd say the other man was flirting with him. Now, he couldn't help but notice that Watari's pants were not as loose as usual, instead, they hugged his hips tightly, making his legs seem even longer than usual. Beneath his ever-present lab coat, Watari was wearing a pale blue shirt with the top three buttons undone, presenting the secretary with a tantalizing sliver of skin.

"Watari…what do you want?" Tatsumi asked curtly. The scientist reclined back on one arm, hanging his head down so he was looking at Tatsumi upside-down.

"I can't just want to come see you?" he asked, winking cheerily.

"I have work, Watari."

"I came to ask for some money to buy some materials."

"What for?"

"An experiment."

"Would it help me at all to ask what the experiment is or would I still be clueless after your explanation?"

"…You'd still be clueless."

"How much?"

"Um…1,000 yen."

"What?! Watari! I don't have that kind of money to give away." Watari sighed heavily, his lips forming into an adorable pout.

"Well, it was worth asking."

"That kind of money? Hardly." The caramel-haired man reached up and touched the brunette's cheek softly.

"But it was a good excuse to come see you, which is what I really wanted." Tatsumi flushed slightly, looking away. "You never visit me or anything, anymore," the blonde shinigami's pout deepened. "If you came to see me after work, I wouldn't have to find excuses to come bother you."

"W-well, that's..." Tatsumi sighed heavily. "Watari…" But now the younger shot him a huge grin that killed his voice in his throat.

"I miss you when we're apart all the time, like this."

"F-fine, I'll visit, just don't bother me in the middle of work, okay?" Watari nuzzled his nose against Tatsumi's before sitting back up straight and standing up.

"I'll be waiting – stop by for tea sometime."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be by your place tonight." The scientist sauntered to the door, pausing with his hand on the knob. "What?" Tatsumi asked. The younger man smirked and blew a kiss at him before walking off. The secretary was frozen in shock, his hand clapped over his mouth. There was no mistaking his intentions **that** time. Watari was flirting with him.

Watari could've squealed with joy as he sashayed down the hall. After weeks working on his project, he'd been concerned it would be harder to get Tatsumi to cooperate than it had ended up being. He grinned and flung himself into his lab. Delicately, he picked up a small vial of red liquid. For half an instant, his mood dampened. _Is this cheating?_ He wondered. Then, he shook himself clear of his doubts. _Don't be silly, Yutaka! All's fair in love and war!_

Tatsumi stood nervously outside of his partner's door. Last time he'd been there…he shook his head, determining **not** to think about last time. _Stop being so nervous, you're just visiting a friend._ His stomach squirmed, contesting the fact that there really was nothing to be nervous about. _Maybe I should've brought something? Flowers? Chocolate? No, no, no. Friends don't do that kind of thing. _Slowly, he raised his hand and knocked three times.

"Coming!" a muffled voice called, and he heard footsteps. A moment later, the door swung open, and Watari stood there, hair dripping, in nothing but a bathrobe. The secretary blushed and looked away, his mouth going dry. "Sorry, I wasn't expecting you so early," the blonde apologized. "You caught me just getting out of the bath. I haven't drained the water yet, if you want to take one."

"I'm fine," the brunette muttered as he was allowed in. He couldn't help his eyes from wandering over his partner's body. He'd always considered Watari to be exceptionally beautiful.

"Have a seat. Make yourself at home," the scientist offered as he went to the kitchen. "I'm just going to put on a pot of tea." Tatsumi sat down stiffly on the couch, crossing his legs and linking his fingers over his knee. The scientist came back in and sat down in a large armchair across from him, curling himself into it comfortably.

"So…how has work been?" the older shinigami asked awkwardly.

"Fine, but you know…for once, we don't have to talk about work."

"W-what should we talk about, then?" Yutaka giggled.

"You're always so stiff, Tatsumi." The other man frowned, looking away.

"Well, sorry for being so formal, you're the one that wanted me to come, anyways."

"I wasn't criticizing you, Tatsumi. No need to get offended." He shot the younger man a glare, folding his arms uncomfortably.

"Who's offended?" he grumbled. The blonde got up and sauntered over to stand right in front of him. The secretary swallowed hard as his partner brushed his fingertips over his cheek. "Um…so…have you had any interesting projects recently?"

"Not really, just still failing to make that gender switching potion…" The scientist smiled sheepishly and gave a sad shrug.

"Why do you want to be a girl so badly?" Watari blinked, tilting his head curiously at his partner's severe tone. "I mean, you're fine just the way you are."

"Thank you, Tatsumi, but I've always just…well, I've always felt like I…I was in the wrong body. It's hard to explain."

"Is it because you're gay?" The scientist blushed heavily.

"W-well, it's just…I don't know…I just…understand a woman's mind much better than a man's." Tatsumi frowned.

"I don't think that's true. Being sensitive doesn't make you effeminate." Watari looked away.

"Well, everyone always said I'm girly."

"You're not." The secretary's frown deepened at the vehemence of his own voice. _Why am I getting so worked up about this?_ he wondered. "I mean, sure you're thin, delicate, slender, sentimental, sensitive…but those things don't make you any less male. The societal criteria of masculinity is completely arbitrary. What's more, there's nothing **wrong** with you being male. " Tatsumi was about to continue when the teapot whistled. In an instant, Watari was on his feet.

"Thank you for the sentiment, Tatsumi. Let me just grab that really quick." He hustled off, his heart pounding in his chest. Fingers trembling with anticipation, he poured them both a cup of tea. Then, he took the vial of red liquid from the cabinet and poured half into each cup. _Please work,_ he prayed, stirring it in before carrying it out to Tatsumi. Normally, he avoided testing his experiments on Tatsumi, just in case something went wrong, but he had only been able to make two doses, and it was pretty expensive to make, so it wasn't likely he'd get another chance. It was now or never. His partner smiled as he came back into the living room, accepting the cup of tea.

"Thanks," he murmured, taking a sip. Watari followed suit. "Oh, what kind of tea is this? It's got an interesting taste."

"It's a custom blend I've been working on," the scientist replied. "Do you like it?" They both took another sip.

"Yeah, it's really good. I didn't know you made your own flavors of tea. Why didn't you-?" Suddenly, the secretary stopped speaking, his eyes going wide. The teacup fell from his fingers, spilling its contents across the floor.

"Tatsumi, wha-?" A jolt ran through the scientist and his tea dropped as well.


	9. Love Potion Number Nine

Hisoka gawked at the secretary as he and his partner came into the office – late, he had to notice. The two of them were holding hands, and the younger was smiling dazedly up at his partner. Tatsumi stopped walking, tilted up Watari's chin, and kissed him softly.

"I love you," he whispered breathily against his lips. The scientist giggled and nuzzled the brunette affectionately.

"Love you, too." Hisoka's jaw just about dropped off his face. _What the hell is up with them?_ He thought, absolutely flabbergasted. Watari he could see doing something like this, but Tatsumi? The secretary was so businesslike! Now he was kissing his partner in the middle of the hall, grinning like an idiot? Tatsumi leaned in for another kiss, lacing his fingers though the other man's caramel locks. Watari pressed himself closer to the older man, returning the kiss enthusiastically. Hisoka went beet red as the gentle caress elevated to a heated make-out session, complete with whimpering moans and groping hands. _That's it. I have **got** to do something about this! At least Tsuzuki and I had the consideration to be private about our relationship!_ He stalked forward, yanking Watari away from the older shinigami. He stood between them, one hand wrapped around the younger's wrist, the other pressed against the older man's chest.

"Hey!" he snapped. Both the secretary and the scientist looked absolutely shocked and more than a little upset. "Listen up, you two! I don't know **what's** gotten into you, but this is **not** appropriate for the middle of the hallway!"

"Let go of him," Tatsumi growled, suddenly very angry. Hisoka blinked. _What the…?_ "Let go of him now, before I make you." The shadows around the head of the department started to grow and flex. Hisoka tightened his hold on Watari, his own temper mounting.

"You can't be serious! You're really going to attack me over-?!"

"You were trying to keep Watari from me – and look, you made him cry," Tatsumi cut him off. "Don't worry, Watari, I'm not letting you go. I'll protect you," the secretary now murmured to the scientist, who was, indeed, crying. He stepped back, startled, letting go of the blonde's wrist. In an instant, the two were in each other's arms, Watari sobbing into his partner's chest.

"I d-don't want to b-b-be se-separated…f-from you…ever!" the inventor sobbed, clinging feebly to the other man.

"Shhh, shh…I've got you," Tatsumi replied in a soft rumble, combing his fingers soothingly through the other's hair. Hisoka gaped at them.

"What the-?!"

"Silence! You've upset him enough as it is!" the brunette cut him off sharply. The youngest member of the shinigami snapped his mouth shut, frowning. That was when he noticed something was off about their emotional auras. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something was definitely wrong with them. "Let's go to my office, Yutaka," Tatsumi suggested. Hisoka watched, hopelessly confused, as the two of them walked off together…

Tsuzuki had his report in hand as he went to Tatsumi's office. He'd spent the past four hours working on it, and now he was finally satisfied that it was completed to the stern secretary's standards. He knocked on the door once and then came in. The shinigami froze, his eyes wide. Tatsumi and Watari were both completely naked, the latter bent over the former's desk while the brunette slid in and out of him. The scientists head was thrown back in pleasure, his lips parted in deep, heaving gasps, his eyes squeezed shut in pleasure. Tatsumi was kissing up and down the nape of his neck , groaning softly. Neither of them seemed to notice the intruder's presence. Slowly, Tsuzuki took a step back, trying to pull his eyes away from the scene before him.

"Seiichiro! Ah! Oh, Sei!" Watari moaned, rocking back against him.

"Oh, Yutaka," Tatsumi purred. "I love you so much."

"Ah! Please! Yes!" Tsuzuki shut the door and left. _What the…Tatsumi would never…would he?_ He wondered. Mystified, he went to find Hisoka in the library.

"Hisoka," he murmured, approaching his partner. "Tatsumi and Watari…"

"I know. I mean, I don't **want** to know what you caught them doing. But they're not themselves, right now."

"They're um…in his office…"

"I said I don't want to know! I already caught them making-out in the hallway!" Tsuzuki frowned. _In the hallway? Tatsumi would **never** stand for that!_ "I've been here trying to figure out what happened to them." Tsuzuki exhaled deeply, sitting down.

"Maybe they're just in love. We've done it at the office before – numerous times," he suggested. While it seemed out of character for them, he really wasn't one to talk or try to stop it. They deserved their own happiness.

"No, something was wrong with their auras. I can't put my finger on it, but something is weird about it, and I'm not just saying that because I didn't expect this to happen. Honestly, I **do** want them to be happy. If the two of them got together—"

"That's not an 'if' statement, anymore, Hisoka. They are together – like…literally, right now."

"Right well, I'm happy for them, if it's real, but I'm **telling** you, something is weird with it. I can sense it. It's like…ah, I don't know. It's just wrong."

"So you're here researching?"

"Yeah, but I'm not finding much."

"Well, I know Watari was working on something big…maybe we should poke around his lab some…" Tsuzuki conceded. The truth was, something had felt off about the two of them, to him, too, though that could be easily chalked up to shock. The younger shinigami stood, nodding pensively. "But maybe we should leave well enough alone," Tsuzuki suggested, again. "I mean…if they're happy…"

"I'm telling you, something is **wrong** with them. Whatever it is they're feeling, it's not real! It's like someone-!" Hisoka stopped speaking abruptly. _Oh, my God, Muraki!_ He thought, horrified. _I bet that **bastard** is behind this! But why? Does it matter? I have to find him!_

"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki asked. "Did you think of something?"

"I…I have to run down a lead. You look around Watari's lab, okay?" Hisoka patted his partner's arm, heading off.

"Where are you going?" Tsusuki called after him.

"Out!" came the blonde's reply. The door swung shut behind him. Tsuzuki stared after him, thoroughly confused. Then, with a shrug, he went down to the lab. At first glance, there was nothing different about the lab than usual. Papers and vials and books covered the tables and desks. The older shinigami looked around, frowning. That's when he saw 001 and 002 in the corner.

"Hey," he greeted them. "001, 002. I have some questions for you." The two birds looked at him, blinking owlishly. "Watari was working on something big recently, wasn't he?"

"Yes," 001 replied.

"Do you know what it was?" The two lab assistants looked at each other than back at Tsuzuki, shaking their heads. "Of course you don't. He didn't say **anything** to you about what it was? Even if it doesn't seem important, it might be, so if you can think of anything…"

"Tatsumi. He wanted to do it for Tatsumi," 002 supplied. Tsuzuki smiled and nodded, resuming his search of the papers and books. Could this all have been just an experiment gone wrong? He frowned, wishing he knew a little more about chemistry.

Muraki was in his apartment, staring out the window, when he noticed a certain someone on the street corner. His lips quirked up into a smirk. What was his little doll doing at his place? _I doubt it was that he just missed me,_ he thought wryly. Hisoka went inside the building and a few minutes later, there was a knock on the doctor's door. Grinning like a Cheshire cat, he opened the door.

"Hisoka," he purred. "What a pleasant surprise." The boy forced his way into the house, glaring hatefully at the platinum-haired man.

"What did you do?!" he demanded. Muraki blinked, surprised.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but I really didn't do anything, this time," he replied, genuinely confused.

"You're lying! You threatened Watari, and now…now something's wrong with him!" Hisoka shouted furiously.

"Why don't you start by telling me what happened to the good scientist? Would you like some tea. We could sit down and-"

"Shut up! Watari and Tatsumi are…are all over each other! They're…they're just…!"

"Oh, congratulations to Watari, finally winning over the love of his life."

"No! It's not like that! Something's wrong with them! They were making out in the hallway, and, I pushed them apart and Watari started **crying**! Tatsumi almost **attacked** me!" Muraki lifted an amused brow, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"Really?" Hisoka crossed his arms angrily.

"This isn't funny, so I'll ask you one more time, bastard. What. Did. You. Do?" Muraki sighed, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, boy, but I really didn't do anything. The only thing I did ever was encourage Watari to go after his dreams and try to win Tatsumi's heart." Hisoka shot the doctor a confused look. "I've changed. No kidding. I've got no grudge against Watari. I saw no reason not to help him out of his misery. You should be thanking me for trying to clean up your mess."

"Well then what the hell happened to Tatsumi and Watari?" Hisoka snapped. Muraki shrugged, shaking his head.

"I don't know. It sounds like they're just madly in love."

"Oh, come on. Their behavior was excessive and…weird. Their auras were off, too. I could feel it."

"Sorry, I don't have anything for you. Watari didn't really tell me what he was planning except that he was determined to win Tatsumi's heart." Muraki chuckled. "It sounds amusing, though."

"This is serious!"

"Absolutely. I agree. It's very serious." But it was all the doctor could do to keep from breaking out laughing hysterically. Hisoka rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, if you don't have anything for me, I have to go."

"Good luck!" the older man called as the young shinigami left, slamming the door behind him. Smirking, he watched through the window as the boy left. _What have you gotten yourself into, Watari?_ He mused. _One way to find out…_With a snap, he disappeared.

The doctor reappeared in Watari's apartment. He'd have gone to the scientist's lab if he didn't suspect Hisoka was already there. Frowning, he looked around. There were clothes – both Watari's and Tatsumi's – littering the floor, making their way to the bedroom. Two cups of tea were upended on the floor, their contents spilled. Kneeling, he examined the cups. There was a tiny bit of liquid in one of the cups. He picked it up and straightened. He sniffed it curiously. Mint, lemon, honey…and something else he couldn't place. He followed the trail of clothes to the bedroom. The bed was a mess of sheets, and the whole room was filled with the scent of sex. _Well, at least Watari finally got his…_he thought with a chuckle. _Thought Hisoka is right, this does seem a little out of character for both of them. I'm supposed to believe Tatsumi just left this place a wreck? And neither of them cared about the spilled tea?_ He went to the nightstand and opened the drawer. Nothing of interest there. He went to the desk across the room. He rifled through the papers there until he uncovered a small, black journal. He grinned and flipped it open, skipping to the end.

"I've gotten so close to completing the love potion," it read. "I know it's sort of cheating, but it shouldn't fabricate feelings, only enhance them. I know Tatsumi loves me. I refuse to believe otherwise, after everything that's happened between us. I can see it in the way he looks at me when I leave my top four buttons undone and wear pants a little tighter than normal. I can hear it in his voice when he says my name, even when he's trying to be stern (or especially when he's trying to be stern). I can feel it in the little, lingering touches he leaves when he pats me on the shoulder or when our hands brush as I hand him a report. I just need him to love me enough to risk a relationship with me. The thing will be getting him to take it. If I can just get him to come over and visit, just once, I can give it to him in the guise of tea. This is my ninth attempt, but it looks like everything is right, this both have to take it at the same time, and the effects should be almost immediate. I'm not sure how much should be administered, because it can't be too diluted, even if we don't need to drink too much of it, so I'll just use half of what I have in each of our drinks. I hope this works."

Muraki re-read the passage three times before he finally got his mind wrapped around what had happened. He couldn't suppress a smirk as he realized what had happened. Experiment gone wrong, indeed. That's what Hisoka must have sensed. The potion had increased their love to the point where it blinded them to anything else. _Serves him right for trying to resort to chemicals to obtain True Love,_ Muraki thought. _If I could see that formula, though, I might be able to find out an antidote. I guess I'll go to the lab later, when it's clear, then._ Suddenly, he gasped and looked up as someone came in. His eyes widened. _Crap._

"T-Tsuzuki-san," he greeted the newcomer, smiling. The shinigami was staring at him, his face as white as a sheet, his eyes wide.

"Y-you…."

"I know. Don't blame Hisoka for not telling you, by the way. I threatened Watari, so his hands were bound." Tsuzuki took a half-step back.

"You died…"

"Come now, if you survived, why is it I couldn't have?"

"Th-the fire…how did you escape?"

"Trade secret." For a long, long moment, the shinigami was silent. Then, he seemed to come back to himself, glaring at Muraki.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded. The doctor chuckled.

"I'm here because of Hisoka."

"What?! You leave him alone!"

"Calm down. I came because Hisoka came to me and accused me of messing with Watari and Tatsumi – which I didn't. I came here to investigate."

"Why would you care?"

"I was curious. Besides, can't I feel bad for Watari. He's been through so much. I encouraged him to pursue Tatsumi, so I consider it my business what happens with those attempts." The doctor smiled. "Now, if you'll excuse me…" He snapped and once again disappeared. Tsuzuki stared after him, shocked. Hisoka poked his head into the room.

"Tsuzuki, what-?"

"Muraki. You didn't tell me…Muraki was alive." Hisoka looked away, scowling deeply.

"He threatened Watari. I…I didn't have a choice," he explained. "I was against it, but he begged me not to tell anyone, so…" Tsuzuki sighed heavily.

"I understand. I just…He was here…"

"I don't know what's up with him. I mean…I don't know. I've been trying not to think about it too much…for Watari's sake. But if he's involving himself in our affairs, maybe I should revise my policy."

"I wish you'd told me."

"I couldn't. As you can see, he has no trouble getting in and out of Meifu undetected. I was scared he'd find out and hurt Watari…Did you find anything useful in the lab?"

"Nothing I could decipher. It goes way over my head." Hisoka sighed, hanging his head. "Look, we'll figure something out. I'm sure." The boy nodded, pinching his nose. They both jumped, startled, as the door opened and slammed shut. "Crap, Watari must be home!" Hisoka thought desperately. At that moment, Tatsumi and Watari came stumbling into the room, hands fumbling with clothing, mouths firmly attached. If they even noticed the other two shinigamis' presence, they gave no sign of it. Watari's shirt dropped to the floor, quickly followed by Tatsumi's. The two of them staggered against the wall, where the older pinned his lover, ravishing his mouth thoroughly. Hisoka and Tsuzuki both slipped away, unnoticed.

Watari whimpered softly, threading his fingers through Tatsumi's hair. His eyes, clouded with lust, were half-closed in ecstasy. He was pushed up harder against the wall and winced as the light switch prodded into his back. Immediately, Tatsumi noticed and pulled him away from the wall to glare at the offending switch. Then, he spun Watari around and began to thoroughly kiss his back.

"Are you okay?" he murmured against the small indentation of the switch in the other man's skin.

"I'm fine," the blonde assured him.

"I want to protect you from everything, Watari. Nothing shall harm you, no matter how small, as long as I am here." The scientist shivered under his lover's touch.

"Oh, Sei…I've wanted you for so long…love you so much…" he whispered. The secretary reached around the man to toy with his nipples, each touch feather-soft, loving caresses.

"Yutaka…you have no idea how much I love you. How guilty I felt for how things have been…no more…I won't hold back anymore." He leaned up to draw his tongue up along the shell of the scientist's ear. Smiling, he sucked the lobe into his mouth, laving it thoroughly with his tongue.

"Seiichi…don't make me wait anymore…" the younger whimpered, grinding back against his growing arousal. The brunette pulled away and spun him around to kiss him hard on the mouth, steering his lover towards the living room. The two of them collapsed onto the couch, grinding, kissing, and groping feverishly. Fingers fumbled hastily with belts and buttons until the remainder of their clothes were discarded on the floor by the couch. Tatsumi hesitated a moment to stare lovingly at his debauched lover. He lifted the man's leg, kissing the inside of his knee before trailing his lips up to his thigh. The scientist's toes curled in pleasure as he whimpered softly. Tatsumi's tongue drew lazy designs over the other man's hip, stroking painfully close to the one area that demanded attention. "Don't tease," Watari begged.

The older shinigami turned his head and placed a soft kiss on the shaft of his lover's arousal. Watari's hips jerked as he cried out with shock and pleasure at the feeling. The next thing he knew, Tatsumi's mouth was completely enveloping his need, sucking hard. "No! Ah!" the scientist cried, unable to prevent himself from thrusting up into that wet, constricting heat. The secretary just grinned and sucked harder. "I'm…ah…I'm going to…SEI!" Hot, bittersweet fluids shot into his mouth, and he dutifully swallowed, savoring every, last drop, as he pulled away with a satisfied slurp.

"Don't worry, Yutaka," he murmured. "You can come over, and over, and over, again, if you want." He smiled warmly and kissed his way up to the other man's navel, swirling his tongue in it.

"S-Seiichiro…what do you like…about me?" Watari asked, combing his fingers through his lover's hair. The brunette chuckled softly.

"Everything…but I'll be specific. I love your kindness – your selflessness. You always take care of everyone else. I love your long, silky hair and your bright, compassionate eyes. I love your smooth, milky skin. I love your slender, seductive waist and your long, graceful legs and your sloping, swanlike neck. I love your fine, delicate features, your hands, your toes…everything. I love your sweet, sweet voice and your warm, gentle touch. Watari…you are absolutely perfect. I have always thought you were perfect."

"Even…even though y-you…Tsuzuki?"

"Yes, even when I wanted Tsuzuki, I…I always thought you…"

"Then why…why wasn't I the one you wanted?" Tatsumi sighed and leaned up to kiss the other man softly, apologetically.

"It's complicated. I always wanted to take care of Tsuzuki, and knowing what he'd been through…I felt guilty for leaving him, and…it just…became what it was. But now…it's only you, Yutaka." He kissed the other man again.

"Prove it to me. Make love to me."

"Gladly." He held his fingers to the other man's lips, pleased when Watari accepted them and began to lave them with his tongue, sucking on them lightly. "Mmmm…that's good," Tatsumi murmured, gently trying to pull his hand away, but Watari grabbed his wrist, holding it in place. "Come on, let go so I can make you feel even better," Tatsumi urged. The chemist locked eyes with his lover and released his fingers. The secretary trailed his fingers down his lover's torso to his tight, twitching entrance. He teased the hole lightly and then pressed his finger in. Watari gasped softly, arching a little. The brunette began to pump his finger in and out.

"It's…it's good," the younger whispered. "It's really good." Tatsumi added a second finger, scissoring them gently. The blonde squirmed, his lips falling open in a pleasured gasp. "More…" he keened. The older shinigami obeyed, adding a third finger. "Mmmph…yesssss." He pulled his fingers out and positioned himself at his lover's recently-prepared hole.

"Ready?" he asked. Watari nodded eagerly, pressing his hips down against his lover's swollen need. Tatsumi gasped in pleasure and slowly pressed forward. Both of them moaned as their bodies joined. Once he was settled fully in that tight, hot passage, Tatsumi stayed still, waiting for the other to adjust.

"Oh, yes. Yes. It's so good. Move." The brunette obliged , drawing out until just the tip remained inside before thrusting back in. "Ah! Yes!" He repeated the action, his searching for that bundle of nerves inside his lover. "AH! There!" Watari practically screamed. Tatsumi smiled and continued to hit that spot. "Yes…Oh, Sei…Sei…!" The blonde arched and writhed beautifully beneath him, crying out shamelessly as his arms wrapped around the other man's neck, fingers seeking a purchase in his short, brown hair. The older shinigami increased his pace, his hips snapping forward urgently, driving them both towards completion. "Seiichiro…Sei…please…ahhh!" Watari babbled, arching up to meet him with each thrust.

"Yutaka…" the secretary whispered. "I love you."

"Yes! Sei! Y-Yes!" The scientist's fingers scrabbled across his lover's back, drawing faint, red lines across the pale expanse of skin. Tatsumi groaned heavily, thrusting deeply into his lover. They kissed sloppily, desperately, each seeking more and more contact with the other. They were both trembling and groaning and panting, unable to take anymore and yet unwilling to let it end. "Seiichi…I ca-can't…Ah…I-I'm going to…I can't take…anymore!" the blonde stammered, tossing his head from side to side as he pushed back against the other man's thrusts.

"I-I can't either…" Tatsumi whispered. "It's okay." He kissed the man's ear, smiling against the flushed cartilage. "There's always round two, anyways." That soft, seductive purr is what pushed Watari over the edge.

"Seiichiro!" he sobbed his pleasure as he convulsed, his muscles clamping tight around Tatsumi. The secretary flung his head back, a moan tearing from his throat as he released deep inside his lover.

"Yutaka…oh Yutaka…" he groaned, lowering himself down onto his elbows as to not crush his lover. They both lay there, staring into each other's eyes, panting hard, as they came down from their highs. Watari grinned, kissing him gently.

"I never want this to end…" he whispered.


End file.
